Tuesday, November 25, 2003

After the retreat, i had a "hang-up". This helped me out immensely.
Wayne,
My name is Andrew Harshman and I was at the Apex retreat in Prescot, AZ (the father of the flatulenting baby). Since that time, we as a community have been stirred. When we gather as friends, the Father’s love is all that we seem to discuss. It has mysteriously consumed me. I don’t understand this new life completely, but that is irrelevant – the freedom and joy that has been uncovered is unimaginable. I am writing to you to thank you for your time with us and also to ask you a question.
For the past 4 years, the time that I have been most passionate about Him, I have seen my relationship as a servant to the father. This is thanks to a pastor in Phoenix who used Paul’s thoughts to show me that when Jesus died on the cross, he “bought me”. I was once a slave to sin and now I am free from that life, but I am not “free” indeed. Jesus paid a price for me. I now am a servant to Him (1 Corinthians 3:5, 2 Corinth. 6:4, Ephesians 4:12, 6:6). I do His will and I follow Him in a friendly manner. However, the part that Jesus said that “I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father” – doesn’t seem to fit into the equation. I wanted to know your thoughts on this. Is this a philosophy that works in the Fathers love? I know that I still have a lot to learn and that I still have to suppress the old religious life. I am currently reading “He Loves Me” and I am enjoying it immensely. Thank you for your life’s work.

Sincerely,

Andrew

Hi Andrew!

I remember you..... How are you doing?

I’m so blessed to hear how the retreat has impacted you. What a pick-me-up to read how the journey has continued. So cool!

Now about your question. This would probably be easier to discuss face to face rather than on email, but let me give it a shot.

Jesus’ offer to us of intimate friendship is the defining motive of this kingdom. I have no doubt of that. Paul said it was that love that motivated all he did (2 Cor 5). Living in that friendship, however, Paul does refer to himself occasionally as a servant of God’s in that he’s the one giving the orders and Paul is the one following him. He does it almost apologetically as he does in Romans 6:18-19, since the slave analogy is really a bit fleshly. Love will lead us to all the service he’d ever invite us to, but sometimes our flesh needs to remember that this is a kingdom we don’t control, we’re following a God who is not our equal, and serving our best friend in the universe is just the greatest way to go.

But Paul doesn’t seem to use the servant image as a fearful slave of an exacting taskmaster. Instead it is a beloved follower of a worthy Father. The best kind of servanthood I should think.

So I think the two images can blend together quite effectively, each carrying a bit different emphasis. I love doing what I do every day because the King (my older brother Jesus) has asked me to! So, in that sense I am his servant. But it is service with a smile because I know how loved I am.

Loved our time together out in AZ... Hope we get future chances for our paths to cross...

Wayne

Thursday, November 20, 2003

My heart aches more than words can explain. To Jeremy and Lori Ohl – I cry for you. Nothing that any one can say could ever give you comfort. Seek the Father and cry on His shoulder. He will be the only strength for you. The sorrow for the little one has consumed me. Father, I weep.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

I am excited about the future. The store has a potential buyer. It is all that I can do to hold myself back from giving him a hug. But, I can’t get my hopes up too much - after all I did say that he is a potential buyer. In other news, our spiritual family continues to draw closer. This gives me more joy than any books can explain. It will be so much better when gene (a.k.a. the guitar makin’ machine) comes back for good, but I think as a family (notice I didn’t say a community) we are leaping over the barriers that keep us from pure love. Thanks to Jacobson’s thoughts, we are constantly expanding on them and trying to see God in all of this. The whole house church thing is great but for me, it was a distraction from the Father. Since I have lived in Vegas, I have experienced God more than ever. However, I think that while experiencing Him, I also limited my intake of Him. It is kind of like looking at a sunset with blinders on. You experience true beauty but limited beauty. I am not saying that I have this all figured out, for that will never come. But, what I am saying is that I am starting to see true beauty in all things by focusing not on my friends, house church, strangers etc. but rather on the Father alone. This isn’t an easy task. It is almost like breaking a bad habit. I hope that others will be able to receive this stuff with more ease than me.

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

This weekend, I learned that I am too damn complicated. I look to improve my house church, my friends, my life, and my strangers - all in vain. I do this not as a natural occurrence but as an act before God, an act of pride. I am a fool. I try too hard to be too “good”. Things were discussed this weekend that brought that to light.
God has given me gifts throughout my life that have directly pointed to my relationship to Him. I have been so blinded by the struggles of life that I haven’t seen them in God’s light. The gifts are Tera, Clay, Damon, and Ella. Each one has pointed to the father persistently in their own ways. I realized that they are more God centered to me than the Bible is.
The other thing that I realized is that I love Jesus and I can relate to Him but, deep down, I am terrified of the Father. I know His past. I know that He removed towns in anger. I know that He has destroyed races and races of people who had become evil using only water. I tremble. I know that I am not holy. I know that I am not worthy to speak His name. I am scared stiff. I also know that He loves me more than anybody. I know that He wants me to realize that I am to Him as Clay, Damon, and Ella is to me. I don’t get this. My mind is too small to comprehend this but I am going to listen, watch and seek Him with that same attitude as my kids. I want my life to be like my kids: when they are playing together, their voices are quiet and content as they wait for me to come home. When I arrive and play with them at their level, their voices turn to squeals and screams of excitement.

Daddy, show me how you love me today.