My least favorite word.
I have been telling myself that we will wait for the testing on mom (Tera's mom) before I let my emotions get ahead of me. Apparently I haven't been listening. My eyes are watering on a consistent basis. My hope is staggering and my heart is breaking.
This isn't supposed to happen to her. This isn't supposed to happen to our family. We have seen so much pain and heartache and have dealt with it very well I might add, but when the backbone of our family becomes ill it is more than i can bear. She has been there for all of us through our joys and disappointments. Through births, weddings, Easter, Christmas, Sunday afternoon BBQ's, family pissin' matches and everything between – she has has a profound impact on me, my family and everyone she touches.
I want so badly for her to see the family that my sons and daughter will have. I want to see her crying as i look over to her during our daughter's wedding. I want to wipe the lipstick off my cheek from her kiss as i show her my grandkids. I want to hear her advise even when I don't want it because i am so stubborn. Dammit! NO!!! This screws up all of my plans.
While I know that I still have a lot to learn about life and about my Father, this isn't a lesson I want yet. I admire her so much and I feel that I still have so much to learn from her. Her gentle ways of approaching things. Her unique ability to turn some lousy convenient store dough nuts into a treasured snack when they arrived in Vegas. Her pure passion for kids – which taught me to treasure them as well, prior to having kids of my own. Her creativity. And lest I forget her love of kitchen appliances.
Pray for her. If I were to witness my first miracle I'd like it to be now. Pray for our family.
posted by Tera @ 6:10 PM
Comments: 1
