I’m reading the book “Blue Like Jazz” on the recommendation of many friends.
His writing style is very entertaining. One chapter is called “Faith – Penguin sex”. Yup, that sums it up for me. He is very open and honest about this dilemma of following an invisible God. He compares it to an inner instinct that tells me that my hunches are right in that there is a creator and he loves me more than life itself. You can not reason with it although I have tried. You can not convince some one of it – yes I tried that too. You can not prove it – you can’t prove love either but it exists. You can seek all you want with you senses and logic but He is seeking you. It is as if it chooses you not you choose it. I trust that this somehow makes sense.
Nonetheless, get the book and soak it up. Some great material in there that a lot you us have struggled with and he has a way of putting it on pages.
Exposing Myself on a Regular Basis
“All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you. I never had a selfless thought since I was born. I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through: I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn. Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek, I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin: I talk of love -a scholar's parrot may talk Greek- But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin." - C S Lewis