My wife agreed as we headed towards Phoenix. I love driving with my wife but I hate traveling. I seem to get things out of my head easier when I am going 80 mph down the freeway. This weekend was great – sort of. We got to see our families and we even got to go see “eternal sunshine for the spotless mind (?)”. It was great by the way.
As I was there, I started to see how our old life was. I started to see the grip that the organization had around our ankles. I started to realize how unattractive I was to a “sinner”. It was no wander that I never used to fit in with the normal secular people. I was too good for them. I was too intellectual and spiritual minded to mingle with them. After all, I had my own friends…. at church that I was real close to. I mean we saw each other 15 minutes a week and let me tell you, they were a very spiritual 15 minutes.
As I was there, I started to realize how much freedom I have experienced since those times of oppression and how I longed to tell those that were there about my freedom. I now understand that my passion is for those people who are stuck in a religious organization, for I was one of those people. Maybe that is why I feel so strongly about Mormons and even legalist churches. I think that if you are going to an organized church, no mater what they call themselves, they are in one form or another legalists. I have yet to converse with a “sinner” and tell him how much fuller my life is now that I have found Him. Honestly, I can’t remember my sin bound life – I was 6-8 years old. If I can’t remember that, I wonder what I sound like to them? Anyway, I am grateful for my background that I had and I think that I should use that to my advantage.
As I sat there, I started to see that my newfound freedom has left me yearning to draw closer to the Father. To cuddle up in His arms and listen to Him tell me a story. I ache for Him. I think that my freedom has let me test Him to see that if I didn’t do the religious exercises (read, pray, etc.), would I still see Him and feel His presence. I have that answer now and I need Him more than ever. But this time it is different. This time I know how much He loves me. This time I don’t walk in the torment of not spending time with Him. This time there is passion blurred with peace.
posted by Tera @ 2:53 PM
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