Exposing Myself on a Regular Basis

2007-08-28T07:30:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvB3FWk8Xss

yup thisn's gud!!

2007-03-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

So apparently my great grandpa (dad's mom's dad) was Jocko Conlan. Jocko was a famous baseball umpire that is in the hall of fame. Who knew.

2007-02-25T18:37:00.001-08:00

I see that global whining has invaded the Oscars. Surprise, surprise.

2006-11-13T20:02:00.000-08:00

After much thought....
Republicans deserved it. There, I said it. They were in control and didn't do what the people wanted (social security reform, immigration... the list could go on) - they never were conservative. I realy hate politics. It brings out the worst in people and it keeps us discussing impotent issues.

And... I was going to write more but just lost it. Shit again!!

2006-10-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a month since dad died. I still find myself reaching for my phone to call him and talk about life. I miss him. I often stare off in the distance thinking about him from time to time. My family could still use some prayers in that department.

In another area of life, I have been listing to the “Transition” series by Wayne (download it here in Quicktime format and change it to wav with Quicktime Pro). The series is very impacting and thought provocative and in a way a summation of what my wife an I have experienced in the past 5 years of our journey. The freedom and love that I have experienced in Father has mostly left me speechless. The issues I had once needed answers for are answered, everything makes sense to me now. It is beautiful.

Wayne Jacobsen's teaching was a small part of it but there is so much more. Father sent us on this journey and He put people in our paths that led us to Him. From our original church that we left to go to Vegas, to Apex and house churches, to over a year of “isolation” from anything church – the one thing consistent is Father's love and desire that I may know Him.

2006-10-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

Carlsbad man died doing what he loved, his family says By: YVETTE URREA - Staff Writer
CARLSBAD ---- The family of Raymond Harshman, 69, said he was a happy man who died just the way he would have wanted: on a fishing boat in the ocean after just hauling in two big fish."He couldn't have gone more perfectly, and God just took him at that second," said his wife of 29 years, Elise Harshman.

His daughter Lexy Harshman said her father left Monday for a six-day fishing trip to Mexico. It took about 24 hours to get to Guadalupe, off the Mexican coast. When they got to the spot, he went out and caught a big fish, and then took a nap, Lexy Harshman said. Then he woke up and went back out again."He was catching a 67-pound tuna, and he fought it for 20 minutes," Lexy Harshman said. "He was so happy, and they were just standing around talking, and then he collapsed, and he was gone."

Two emergency medical technicians and a doctor tried to revive him with a defibrillator without success, she said.

"We have such peace with it because he was a wonderful Christian man, and he was doing what he loved, and he touched so many lives ... and he loved his family so much," Elise Harshman said.

Lexy Harshman said her father had not been ill and always took his medications and monitored his cholesterol, so his death was very unexpected.

Last week, Harshman told a shop clerk at Ken's Custom Reel at the harbor that, 'I hope if I go, I go when I'm fishing,' and he repeated the same sentiment to his wife and his mother, Lexy Harshman said.

Harshman was born Nov. 9, 1936, in Phoenix, Ariz. He served in the 82nd Airborne and was a very proud American, his daughter said. He then went on to work for 40 years in the construction industry and started his own company and served as president of Reliance Plumbing Corporation.

He retired in 1996 and bought an Oceanside beach cottage that he rebuilt for his family, as well as another home for his mother.

In between, of course, he met his future wife, Elise Harshman, in Flagstaff, Ariz. in 1976. Their eyes met across the dance floor, and when he went over to ask her to dance it was truly love at first sight, she said. They were married the next year.

"He was the love of my life, and I was the love of his life, and we both knew it," Elise Harshman said.

He had a daughter and four sons. Harshman also had nine grandchildren, three great grandchildren and many nieces, nephews and other family.

She said her husband had many friends who were drawn in to him either by his strong handshake or his big bear hug.

"His personality just flowed into you," Elise Harshman said. "He was one of those special people, who other people were drawn to."

Since he retired, Elise Harshman said, they had been living out their dreams, traveling on their boat to meet friends in other states and fish and visit with them. Last month, they went to Texas and fished, in July they went to Alaska to fish for king salmon and they also visited Washington, D.C., this year to see the monuments.

At his service held Saturday, friends and family came from all over the states to remember him.

During the program, the family composed what they thought Harshman's last wishes for his friends and family would be.

"Ray's loving wish to each of you would be to hold your family and friends close and tell them often what they mean to you. Finally, his hope for you would be to be as ready as he was to meet God face to face."

I was loved!

I'm going to miss him deeply.

2006-07-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

There is something about the Cubs that brings out the best in the Diamondbacks.

2006-07-30T15:46:00.000-07:00

Reading my friend Greg's post got me thinking a bit and so I'll ramble a bit about the things that I have been pondering for a while.

I was listening to Bill O'riley one afternoon and he was stating the Christian philosophy (Jesus is God) is not a religion. Going to church – be it protestant or catholic – and following their rules (i.e. conforming your beliefs to match that of one particular denomination or group) is the essence of religion. Without conformity of the group, man's church will not exist. Therefore the “Christian” way is not a religion at all it is a philosophy. This tickled my head for a while. I'm not sure why.

There are some folks around here who are scared shitless of the adventure of Harry Potter. They will not admit this but I see them run from any discussion of it. I think there is something much deeper going on here than such superficial topics. I'm not positive on exactly what this is but it is floating in my head every so often. Having a conversation with a Mormon, a homeless man, Harry Potter, Rock and Roll, gay and lesbian issues and all of the rest of the little quirks that Christian type folks go to great lengths to avoid make me wonder if something is misunderstood.

I have read all about Jesus and I distinctly remember who He hung out with. Sadly, it wasn't us. The clean cut smell good folks, the somewhat financially struggling middle class family who are in debt to show people that they really are not poor, those who hope that people don't see them enjoying an adult beverage – I think you get the point. I am wondering if we as God's people do not comprehend what is alive in us. The unknown power that is within.

I have seen books written about Mormons and others that leaves me sad. The Christian “leaders” treat them as prizes to be had or sub-human. They can not comprehend that these people are just as human as we are. They too have learned things we have not. They too have a story to tell. Same as the homeless. By subconsciously seeing them as a prize to be won over, you will never fully open up to them and let them see the real you.

2006-07-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

I wrote this the other week and forgot to post it.

Warriors and Skirts

There is a subtle difference.

My wife said the other day that when she cleaned out my boys toy box she stopped counting at 35 weapons. God bless them!! Now I'm not the guy that mounts anything that you killed on the wall for all to see. I grew up with those men and I have a great deal of appreciation for them but it ain't my style. However, I am going to raise my kids gender appropriate – meaning my boys will not have their warrior instincts suppressed and my girl will remain a princess.

Too often today I see a great deal of kids who are more confused than ever. Unisex parenting has rendered feminine boys that wear more padding than a hockey goalie when it comes to riding a bike.....in the park....on the grass. See, my parents taught me that when a bike and a car meet, the car is going to win every flippin' time – so stay away from the 4,000 lb beast that will make you about a 1/2” thin. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't wear a helmet but my gosh at least try to make it as not gay looking as possible.

Where was I.... oh, I guess what I'm saying is that those boys have instincts deep inside them. They, as well as the husband you married, dream of slaying dragons of a large variety – bugs to robbers. You take away the plastic swords, they will make new ones. Take away projectile weapons, they have rubber bands. You try to keep them safe from a bloody knee, they will be timid and bland. Women are drawn to masculinity and men are drawn to femininity. That is the way Father made us. To suppress it will create less of a man that He desires.

Think about it, where in the Bible (the greatest story ever told) have you read an inspiring story about a man without a spine? OK except Jonah.

2006-07-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

“The wages of sin are death, but after taxes are taken out, it's just a tired feeling.” - Paula Poundstone

We went to a park to watch fireworks last night. We and about 10,000 other people of Prescott Valley. I walked past a guy handing out oversized $100 bills that had a nice little message on the back. After reading it I would have cried if I hadn't know better. Apparently I am a murder, rapist, a fornicator and whatever else you might fit in here unless... I confess my sins to God and put your faith in Jesus Christ. If I do not I will burn forever.
Funny, I don't recall ever hearing those words come out of Jesus' mouth. They have no idea who my Father really is.

2006-07-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

All we need is a little bit more doubt.

Do I believe all this because I have been taught it? Do I believe in the correct form of “religion”? If I am not successful, am I believing in the wrong thing?

There was a guy not long ago that told me that, “I don't believe in Jesus because the Bible tells me so”. I wanted to get out of my chair and whack him for saying such things. To make things worse, he started going off on America and politics. My blood boiled. This scrawny little know-it-all! How dare he question the Christianity of the Republican party! Didn't he get the emails I forwarded him? Sad.

Sad, not because of what he said but sad that it was what I thought five years ago. Liberal thinking still bothers me, but only because it doesn't make good business sense. Everything has changed. All my thinking about religion, politics, and money – the three things you should never bring up in a conversation.

Religion – all forms of it are designed for man to control man. That is what I believe now after searching for the truth. I have doubted many times but one thing remains – Father. No matter how many times I start to doubt that all this stuff may not exist, the one thing that remains consistent is His hand. I can see it everywhere and I can't pass this beating heart of mine off as a mathematical probability. Love, creation, joy – they all come from something and they all have similar stings running throughout – a fingerprint. The most impressive thing that Jesus did for me was not the miracles, but the trust he had in his Father. Everything that he did was what he saw the Father doing and everything that he said was what the Father said. I can't get past this.

Politics – I love listening to debates about one thing or another but it needs to stop there. I am a part of His kingdom and shall remain that way. Therefore, it only stands to reason that I shouldn't get caught up in the way man rules man rather I should be observant to my Father's voice and go where he is. Keeping my foot in politics will only allow me to have a conversation with fifty percent of the people that I meet and will blur my perception of the others.

Money – Be it luck or skill, the money or success I have or had wasn't even mine to begin with. I have struggled financially for over 4 years and I have been happier than ever. I have learned valuable lessons when it comes to jobs and such through my struggling. I have learned to be happy in good times and bad. Prosperous times and poor, Father is still with me regardless of how much I make. I no longer doubt Him when trials come my way – the word faith doesn't fit here – trust fits better. To God be the glory in everything not just the stuff that benefits me.

I'll never forget that conversation that I had with Greg Hubbard at our cabin. The conversation didn't particularly change my life, but it was a foreshadow of things to come. I praise Father for the relationship I have with Greg and I am very proud to know him.

2006-06-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

Dammmit!!!

I can't remember what I was going to blog about.

On a side note, drewcohomes.com is under construction. Cool.

2006-05-28T22:31:00.000-07:00

I'll blog when I'm busy.

I have had a bunch of time off to spend with my family and am enjoying it ever so. Oddly enough, I haven't had much in the way of blogs. I have been reading Romans (Message) on my Love Sac (Father's day gift – it's a super sac with shagadelic black fur – does it make you horny baby?) and have been having a blast doing so. It is so beautiful to be able to reread the books you once practically memorized in vain and now is an eloquent statement of love. Every chapter turned is one of new discovery. I bought “The Saving Life of Christ” by Major Ean Thomas and have had a desperate time to turn a page. He is very fond of the King James version and I am not. I cannot follow it as the language seems to vague to see his point and I also think he wants to write like Paul.

I saw X men three. I'll tell you this, if I wanted to see a drama, I'd rewatch “Into the Shadow lands”. For the love of all action heroes, I needed to take some Prozack after leaving the theater.

I'm also waiting for my contractor's license to come so I can proceed with my houses. I moved here to build two houses a year and now I am looking at a total of four. Perhaps it wont be as bad as I think. So far I am enjoying the simple life and a very beautiful wife.

2006-05-02T15:50:00.000-07:00

"In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination." - Mark Twain

2006-04-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

Shancho, when you are a man, sometimes you wear streachy pants....in your room...for fun.

Click on it and watch the video.

2006-04-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

I no longer want my own agenda. I only want to be a part of you. If only to see you work. Today, let me be a part of what you are doing. Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.

2006-03-27T20:35:00.000-08:00

It's been a while.

I just finished up my house and now am pondering on my next project. I'd prefer to take a deep breath and rest for a week or two before stressing over the silly things like feeding my family in the future.

This house taught me a great deal. The main one is trust. Trust is not my specialty. I doubt often the smallest things; and while they seem trivial now, they tend to make my blood pressure fly at the moment.

Trust. That is the whole story isn't it. As silly as it is, this was the whole issue that got us here in the first place. Adam and Eve, you know the story. I find it thrilling that our Father who, wants us so badly, who knows us so well, who loves us so much still stands with us amongst our deepest doubts and pains and feels them along with us. If you can comprehend the trinity and the fact that we were invited into that relationship then you can see just how much we are loved. To ask the question “why does God not heal this person or fix that thing...” only states a lack of trust and understanding of the predicament that we are in.

So I'm going to work on this a bit. Seeing friends and loved ones leave us too soon tests us and yet it strengthens us. The pain is still there and the disappointment lingers in the air. While we live in a messed up world we still find strength and comfort. If God is our friend and loves us the way He does then I think His eyes are watering at the pain that we feel.

Thank you Mark Palmer for sharing your life.

Peace – the peace that we all know- may it rest upon you.

2006-03-09T19:36:00.000-08:00

"A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment."
Willis Player

i've had no time to write anything - i'm finishing up my house. i thought the quote was nifty.

2006-02-19T15:49:00.000-08:00

God bless the little towns anyway and the one day of the week that everyone dresses up.
I took my kids to a little restaurant by the house just past noon. Picture a small cafe – the one you'd see in Alice (Mell's Diner). Everyone had just visited their church and now it was time to eat. The small room was very lively with Psalms this and “the bible says...” and most were feeling rather righteous. I can't blame them – it is what they know. We sat near two older women who were discussing the troubles their friend was having and what to do about it. Their conclusion to help her was to get their friend to church more often.

I am reminded the statistics that I have heard through Wayne Jacobson regarding the message that the church teaches today and the importance of walking hand in hand with a loving Father. I hear a lot of rage deep inside a lot of good people. They have lost the excitement when they first discovered Father. Now they settle for working for Him instead of sitting in His lap. They emptiness they now see is masked by ritual they now serve.

I'm not saying that they are horrible people. Not at all. They have the greatest intentions to help lead those who are lost to see the light. What I am saying is that they have become distracted so much so that even the friendships that are developed in the short time that they are at church are superficial and lack any spiritual depth at all. Standing outside the church and chit-chating about how good the sermon was or where are they are going to lunch to 20 of their closest friends does not define a valued relationship.

I can not nor will not be a part of this type of church. I have discovered a freedom in the love of my Father and am very content on discussing the relevance of the referees in the Super Bowl game to my neighbors for now in hopes that one day I may have the chance to tell them about true love. Call me odd or a backslider – in fact call me what you will. I am loved and man's approval mean nothing to me.

2006-02-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

“He said, stop asking God to bless what you’re doing. Get involved in what God is doing because it’s already blessed.”

Read on.

Flippin' rock stars.....who would have thought. Good stuff in there, very good stuff.

2006-02-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

Nothing much to write about. Life is peaceful and I couldn't be happier.

I can't begin to explain what it is like to live with my best friend who supports me and my interests. At times I feel that I can take on the world and have a bowl of cereal at the same time. Work no longer seems to be. I'd almost say work is now exciting every day. She is always interested in what I am doing and helps me along with things I forget. When I lose my mind in a handful of stress she is right there beside me to keep me calm.

2006-01-18T16:03:00.000-08:00

The itsy bitsy spider....
In order to establish Gene's website in the web and to allow the search engine spiders to do their work properly, please insert into your blog template this catchy phrase under your links.

a href="http://www.rhinoguitars.com">Rhino Guitars

This will help get his site further up on the list – I think.

This concludes this blog.

This blog was brought to you in part by the law offices of Dewy, Chetham and Howe.

2005-12-29T22:09:00.000-08:00

So I perhaps came off a bit harsh on the last post regarding the church's handling of itself. I truly love the church and her people. I know that they do a lot of good but it can be better. It is the potential that I see in the church that is burning me. I think it is disappointment that I am feeling and maybe something else.

Since we moved to Prescott Valley we have yet to find anyone that is contemplating organized church. Here it either you are a non-believer or attending a church and there is no ground for any others (us mainly). I suppose that small towns are known for such characteristics and that does make them attractive to those from a busy metropolitan area. To put it bluntly, we were spoiled in Las Vegas. We are now on the edge of loneliness and I think it might compel me to start attending local bars (some go to Starbucks I go to taverns – if you are gona drop $4 on a beverage you might as well get the most buzz for the buck). I am comfortable there and the conversations that transpire are usually very deep.

On a side note, the visit by one family member to a church pissed me off.........a lot. Xbox stations, Starbucks, a weekly budget of $80k and an annual budget of $16,000 for Krispy Kreme – praise God!!!!

2005-12-05T02:03:00.000-08:00

At what point do we put into action that which we believe to be true?
When is it time that we stop attempting to convince those who already are in the church to see the truth and start doing something so daring that it would be reminiscent of Martin Luther's letters pined to the church's door?

I must admit that I am in torment over the typical western church's approach in every side of the Christian faith. The church needs reformation. I see most followers today blatantly ashamed of the term Christian. Even those who do not believe seemed annoyed at the direction of the church today. Jesus will always be fascinating to many but it is odd that His followers hardly bare His radical profile. The church has very little power – that which we boast about to many, it's fingers run deep into politics and most business could only hope to have a budget the size of a small church. What part, when following a homeless Savior, do you believe in when you break ground on a $4 million building? Does “the eye of a needle” mean anything to you or did your pastor attempt to explain that one away? The church is to bring the good news to all and yet it is more content on making sure it supplies the freshest brewed coffee to its members so that they may return the next week. Money rules the western church today. She is creating followers, those that return regularly, instead of disciples who GO and boldly proclaim the truth never fearing the outcome. I see her followers content on being quiet and pay to hear someone else teach rather than being courageous enough to teach a coworker. What we believe is radical and fascinating to many. What we do is moderate and boring to all. I believe what Jesus said and I believe in the works that He and the apostles performed – when is it time to stand up and proclaim it?

2005-11-25T09:16:00.000-08:00

Cocaine Blues by Johnny Cash
Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down
I went right home and I went to bed
I stuck that lovin' 44 beneath my head
Got up next mornin' and I grabbed that gun
took a shot of cocaine and away I run
Made a good run but I run too slow
they overtook me down in Juarez Mexico
Late in the hot joints takin' the pills
in walked the sheriff from Jericho Hill
He said Willy Lee your name is not Jack Brown
You're the dirty heck that shot your woman down
Said yes oh yes my name is Willy Lee
if you've got the warrant just aread it to me
Shot her down because she made me sore
I thought I was her daddy but she had five more
When I was arrested I was dressed in black
They put me on a train and they took me back
Had no friend for to go my bail
they slapped my dried up carcass in that country jail
Early next mornin' bout a half past nine
I spied the sheriff coming down the line
Ah and he coughed as he cleared his throat
He said come on you dirty heck into that district court
Into the courtroom my trial began
where I was handled by twelve honest men
Just before the jury started out
I saw the little judge commence to look about
In about five minutes in walked the man
holding the verdict in his right hand
The verdict read in the first degree
I hollered Lowdy Lowdy have a mercy on me
The judge he smiled as he picked up his ben
99 years in the Folsom pen
99 years underneath that ground
I can't forget the day I shot that bad bitch down
Come on you've gotta listen unto me
lay off that whiskey and let that cocaine be
She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie; cocaine.

You gota love old country music.
Go and see Walk the Line – friggin' awesome acting.

2005-11-24T08:26:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!! Now light 'em up!

2005-11-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

I wrote a comment on Palmer's journal about protesting Walmart and the likes. Read with me wont you.

Palmer,I think you are on to something here that points to the very core of our being. Protesting, fighting the man, pointing out the flaws in our society in order to show just how better we really are. The church originally had no power save that of Jesus our King and what a power they had. They didn't bother themselves with what was specifically wrong with the current times (their times were much harder than ours) they were concentrating on Father and surviving persecution. So what's my point? What do our brothers and sisters in India do with their off times from being chased by murderers? What cause do you think we should be fighting? Walmart, the big man, or perhaps we should be concentrating our efforts on freeing our far away families? And what about those who are starving in Africa? The AIDS patients who die a painful death being rejected by all? Our current Christian culture has it all wrong. We are distracted by many things. Many churches have massive budgets that could feed 10 towns in Africa for many years. We are concentrated on what can we do with our tithing money in order that we can be the most comfortable.I'd say you ought to buy what you can afford in order to feed as many people at your house that you can. Where you buy is the same as praying to Jesus to help you decide where to buy lunch – McDonald's or Burger King. Jesus ate all the time with people and I think we should do the same. There is something beautiful about sharing a meal with friends/family and filthy strangers.

2005-11-08T19:06:00.000-08:00

It bugs me that's why.

What would the world be like if the credit for curing cancer (a very prominent subject on my mind) was given to the church in Las Vegas? How much of an impact would be given if the church in Phoenix curred AIDS? What would we see if Africa's hunger pains were permanently cured by the church in America (not the government)? Would it go unnoticed? Would the church get more recognition for helping to solve the world's problems or do their massively huge buildings and multi million dollar budgets do more for them? Yes the Catholic church has helped many but what about the Roman one that has it's own zip code and streets that are damn near paved with gold? I had always heard that Jesus told us to help widows and orphans, the sick and helpless, those that society hides. So just who are we helping? How often do you find yourself sitting in a pew next to a stinky person that doesn't belong there. Just how well do they fit in our church of America? How well do you fit in with them? I'll be honest, when I have had the money to tithe I rarely did. Why? I couldn't stomach seeing the money being spent on me.

I have a lot of respect for some pastors. Some of my closest friends are pastors and have a heart of gold. And while I hold them in the highest regard, they don't always have something so profound to say that it requires them to stand on stage and speak about it for 30-45 minutes every week. What about other people in the crowd that Father has touched?

I am intrigued about the Crusades. Christians against Islam. Bloody swords on both sides not once abiding by the very thing of which they fought for. I am slightly uneducated about the whole thing to be truthful but I'm not sure if our current struggles in the world's society are any different. What if we (the church) dropped the whole political movement and only followed our Master? What would life look like then? Would America be any different? How would society view us? Would there be as many of us? Would there be any persecution? Frankly, I think we could use a little bit of persecution. Sick, I know. But I wonder just how sharp be could be in that situation?

I'm sure I sound like a little bratty teenager who wants to cause trouble for no reason but just how comfortable are you sitting in the pew listening about a poor, rebellious, homeless, teacher who loved those who were hated. So much so that he was slaughtered for it. He has risen, My King has risen indeed.

2005-11-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

Cancer
My least favorite word.

I have been telling myself that we will wait for the testing on mom (Tera's mom) before I let my emotions get ahead of me. Apparently I haven't been listening. My eyes are watering on a consistent basis. My hope is staggering and my heart is breaking.

This isn't supposed to happen to her. This isn't supposed to happen to our family. We have seen so much pain and heartache and have dealt with it very well I might add, but when the backbone of our family becomes ill it is more than i can bear. She has been there for all of us through our joys and disappointments. Through births, weddings, Easter, Christmas, Sunday afternoon BBQ's, family pissin' matches and everything between – she has has a profound impact on me, my family and everyone she touches.

I want so badly for her to see the family that my sons and daughter will have. I want to see her crying as i look over to her during our daughter's wedding. I want to wipe the lipstick off my cheek from her kiss as i show her my grandkids. I want to hear her advise even when I don't want it because i am so stubborn. Dammit! NO!!! This screws up all of my plans.

While I know that I still have a lot to learn about life and about my Father, this isn't a lesson I want yet. I admire her so much and I feel that I still have so much to learn from her. Her gentle ways of approaching things. Her unique ability to turn some lousy convenient store dough nuts into a treasured snack when they arrived in Vegas. Her pure passion for kids – which taught me to treasure them as well, prior to having kids of my own. Her creativity. And lest I forget her love of kitchen appliances.

Pray for her. If I were to witness my first miracle I'd like it to be now. Pray for our family.

2005-10-26T15:31:00.000-07:00

Good lord this one was funny.

2005-10-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

It has always stumped me as to why John always referred to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved”. I always thought in the back of my mind that he was the most arrogant of all the disciples and that is saying a lot. I now think he may have been on to something. In his book he writes that the stories that were told so that you might believe that Jesus is the Messiah - the Son of God. I wonder if John finally discovered that after all the things that happened that he had seen - it all boiled down to discovering that Jesus loved him passionately. I wonder if this was such a massive concept that he creatively reflected it in his book. To fully understand that you are loved beyond reason by the same man who you spent over three years with doing incredible feats of wonder, healing multitudes of people, feeding crowds, ultimately being slaughtered and then alive again, who also created you and the heavens and the earth – to see Him standing in front of you would be an astounding thing indeed.

2005-10-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

In response to Greg’s desire to have open spaces and a simpler life (my desire) I submit to you an excerpt of Waylon Jennings Luckenbach, Texas (Back to the basics of love):

"So, baby, let's sell your diamond ring, buy some boots and faded jeans and go away. This coat and tie is chokin' me; In your high society you cry all day. We've been so busy keepin' up with the Jones' four car garage, and we're still buildin' on,maybe it's time, we got back to the basics of love."

Since moving to Hickville I have grown a new found love for the old classic country music and this song keeps reminding me of attaining jack squat but a simple life, slow paced and full of love.

2005-10-03T16:41:00.000-07:00

I’ll just quote what another thing that I think was cool in this book instead of commenting. And I’ll be reading Philip’s book next for those of you who are taking notes.

“’The more unsavory the characters, the more at ease they seemed to feel around Jesus. People like these found Jesus appealing; a Samaritan social outcast, a military officer of the tyrant Herod, a quisling tax collector, a recent hostess to seven demons.
In contrast, Jesus got a chilly response from more respectable types. Pious Pharisees thought him uncouth and worldly, a rich young ruler walked away shaking his head, and even the open-minded Nicodemus sought a meeting under the cover of darkness.
I (Yancey) remarked to the class how strange this pattern seemed, since the Christian church now attracts respectable types who closely resemble the people most suspicious of Jesus on earth. What has happened to reverse the pattern of Jesus’ day? Why don’t sinners like being around us?’
(Philip Yancey – The Jesus I Never Knew)

This makes a great deal of sense if you think about it, because Jesus was offering redemption through a relationship with Himself, and for those who were already being redeemed by a jury of their peers, people like politicians or wealthy people or powerful religious leaders, the redemption Jesus offered must have felt like a step down; but for those who had nothing, for those who were being threatened in the lifeboat (our system of hierarchy or values), Jesus offered everything.”
(Donald Miller – Searching For God Knows What)

2005-09-22T23:13:00.000-07:00

Life is too complex to believe in a simple god. Becoming a Christian is not agreeing with a few fundamental statements; it is more like falling in love.

‘ve been reading “Searching Foe God Knows What” by Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz). I have had some excess time on my hands and decided to curl up to a good book. Lately the times have been very dry for me when it comes to my King (as you may have surmised – I can hear it now… “hey he’s back blogging” – bah get over it). Mostly I find myself telling my kids about Jesus in their times of crisis but I haven’t been able to sink my teeth into something juicy lately. Sure there has been the slapping around of comments here and there but nothing too exciting or compelling for me.

I have been floating around the idea that the whole Christian thing today as we know it is very disturbing and damn near wrong. I keep getting these hints from the people that know what they are saying is that God can be understood (read as conquered) in three easy steps (some may require four). It is the Santa Claus belief that we are to be good in order to get His puny little toys under the tree. The thing is that we have no concept of who He (God) is much less could we ever recognize the flippin toys in the first place. I see these devotionals all around and here it from many people “read this and you will receive such and such”. The sad thing is that down deep they don’t want to love God just control Him. Stick Him in a verse in a Country song stating why our country is better than all the rest. I trust you get my point.

The sad thing is that my kids get Him. They don’t have many prejudices…yet. When they see someone different than them they ask me why (black skin, missing an arm that sort of thing). When we see someone – any one, we determine their social order in relation to ours. Are they as cool as me? What kind of home does he live in? Let’s see the car. That dude is fugly. She has a buck toof. I think in some way it is instinctual but so is our sin nature. You can’t be as great as me ‘cause I know Jesus – and no I don’t want to share at this time thank you.

I am seeing an attitude that says that we as Christians are better because we know our maker rather that we love our maker. I know this comes off as rather harsh but I am still chewing on it and it will take a while to formulate. Of this I am sure of – not until I was shown just how much my King loves me did I ever truly love anyone outside those of whom would benefit me.

2005-08-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

Ella’s birthday was this weekend. Thura came from Vegas and our families from Phoenix to help us celebrate my little girl. It was a beautiful thing to see Thura together again. It was as if we just picked up where we left off. Sunday afternoon we target practiced on our back porch with my pellet gun. The targets escalated or should I say shrank as the night pored in. We ended up bustin’ some bottle caps at 10 paces. All in all I found peace in their company.

Today Ella went to have her 2 year check up. I split like a gazelle when the shots, all three of them, came in on a tray.

“I love my daughter very much and if you make her cry, I’ll make you cry.”

2005-08-25T20:58:00.000-07:00

The Six Year Old Virgin.

2005-08-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

I hate computers. I love computers. Unmountable boot drive error + 3 days later = hard drive becoming a paper weight. So now we own two computers. One is in the process of getting it’s guts put back inside it and the other is faster than a speeding bullet (64 bit 3400 processor – oh hell ya).

I’ve been listening to Dane Cook (yes it’s rated “R” and I think it is funny as all things funny – here have some spaghetti) a lot lately and all I have to say is “where’s the handle”.

I’m off to Vegas for an overnighter with my dad and brother and his hot rod truck (it’s a guy thing, male bonding and all that). I wish I had some extra time to visit but I don’t.

2005-07-31T15:51:00.000-07:00

Friend, you need Jesus…

Hey what the heck, I’ll toss in my two copper coins on the whole mission idea that dang near most of the other links are pondering. I say this all the while a voice in the back of my mind is telling me that my Father’s will isn’t too hard to figure out. After all, most of the disciples were simple fishermen. That fact has always disturbed be because I am a fisherman and I have yet to catch as big of a fish as the one that I tell stories about. I’m not trying to tell you how to do it at all. I’m going to tell you about my friend Dave.

Dave came into my store at a time when I was most vulnerable. My previous employee had just cleaned out the cash register last night and today was the day that I was receiving a truck load of food. To say the least my current thoughts on employees wasn’t pure. Dave asked me if I needed some help and wanted to work for me. I was hesitant, after all he wasn’t dressed like a guy that wanted a job but I was desperate and so he started immediately. He easily outworked me and then some for the remainder of the day. I expected him not to show up the next day at all and to my surprise he was 20 minutes early. He rides the bus and it takes him about 1hour and 20 minutes to get here (a 15 minute drive for the rest of reading this). Again he worked his butt off and kept a tune to the radio while he worked. Think of it as Snow White wearing a 5 o’clock shadow, a bandana and some ‘80’s style sunglasses on his head – minus the 7 dwarfs of course.

Dave’s background was the complete opposite of mine. He lived in a two bit apartment that most of you would consider dangerous. I will not divulge his past but for those of you who are street smart: meet the professor. His history could have been an issue for me as an employee but his hard work was worth the risk of running the register and what not. As the time passed, Dave became an icon in my store. His personality and character traits are some of the best I have seen in any man I’ve met, all he needed was a chance and the customers knew this as well.

While time went on, I started sharing the stuff that I was pondering. I told him about what I believed and invited him to church; after all, it was the Christian thing to do. I guess you could say he was my mission but I didn’t know it because I was too busy enjoying him as a friend. I think I learned more from him during the time we worked together that any other time I spent serving at “Church on the Street” and Ronald McDonald house.

The only thing that I regret was not having him at my house or his more that I did before we moved to Prescott. He is still there at Harvest Foods working at my job and he is doing it much better. I didn’t realize how much he cared for me until I said goodbye. After working at the store for over 4 years I was sick of the place and couldn’t wait to get out of town. I shook his hand and wished him good luck and that I would be keeping in contact with him. He was speechless and crying and all he could utter was “you gave me a chance”. I was taken back and I didn’t know what to say. The one thing that I wished I could have told him was that I learned more about life and the love for people through him than I ever have before.

So what is the point? Get over the word mission and just keep your eyes open to whom our Father puts us in contact with. I’m willing to bet that you will learn more yourself that the person or people you are trying so desperately to love. It doesn’t need a plan just a removal of barriers – yours.

2005-07-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

Now I’m not one for political correctness, and for the most part I can hardly spell it, and THIS pretty much confirms it. I damned near wet my pants.

2005-07-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

“Hey Dad watch this! Dad!! DAAaad… look at me!!” (dad is a bit hard of hearing). Dad turns to watch his son jump on his hands and kick his feet out and eventually slams his body on the ground. He is attempting to perform a kicking action that his mind has created but they are the most awkward movements that I have witnessed and yet the most beautiful thing that I can see.

All he wants is for me to keep my eyes on him. Kicking or not, he wants my attention which mostly is a form of affection to him. At that moment I am reminded of what my Father sees in me. I may be as clumsy as an ox in a Waterford crystal store but my Father isn’t interested in my graceful movements. He doesn’t care so much at what I am doing at the time as how badly I need His attention.

2005-07-15T15:59:00.000-07:00

I think I nailed down what my issue is with tithing. It isn’t the actual act of giving at all. It is the fact that the giving goes to the givers – that is about 75% of it. It goes back to their benefit: buildings, projectors, staff…..Today a church is doing very well if it gives 25% of the money received to the outside community; be it clothes, food, rent or you could hold a vacation bible school and that would encourage more givers – I digress. It costs money to run a church and pay the staff and liability insurance and utilities and the ski trips that the youth must go to all in the name of attaining the life of Jesus. Sadly this goes completely against the teachings and life of Jesus.

Those that followed Him while He was on earth had a substantially different outlook when it came to giving; more specifically after He ascended. They became passionate rather that dimwitted. Their life was already dead and it was He that lived in them. Everything that they did was to speak of the good news and be the Life that others might question or fear. Back then understanding Christianity was easy but becoming one was difficult (persecution). Today understanding Christianity is difficult but becoming a Christian is very easy indeed. (yup I stole that last thing from someone else’s blog – sue me)

2005-07-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

I had to go to Phoenix to drop off a trailer yesterday and had some time to listen to Wayne and the Power of the Cross. I needed that badly. I have listened to the CD many times but I still struggle to fully comprehend it. My previous education tends to drown out most new stuff after I have listened to it. He makes so many awesome points about the relationship between Father and Son and what sin is and what actually the Father’s wrath is. I’m gona write this down so I don’t forget it… and it is my blog and I have ultimate power…so there.

The enemy’s job is to offer us God’s promise without the relationship with Him (eat the apple and you will be like God). Sin is what destroys that relationship. God’s wrath is poured out on that which will harm us – sin (we are, by our very nature, objects of God’s wrath - Paul). Jesus being fully God and fully man grew in favor with God and man which means that he voluntarily relinquished all the knowledge of being God when he became a baby. This is why he only did what he saw the Father doing – he was walking in a pure relationship with Father. When Jesus was on the cross he became sin so that the Father would pour out His wrath on the Son in order to destroy sin. This was the only time that the relationship that they had was torn apart. Father knew for the first time what is was like to be Sonless and Jesus saw for the first time what it was to be without the Father. This is why he said “Father why have you forsaken me” – he couldn’t see His Father.

I’m sure I messed up some parts of it up but you get the general idea. I’m not sure why I tend to forget these parts when I toil over the cross in my head. I usually think that Jesus died for our sins and now we are free. That is just too simple and without depth. Regardless, the cross is the crucial issue in our faith and without us fully understanding this matter we will feel distant. I think that is why so many Christians are so pissy. They usually have three venues to vent there frustration: sexual perversion, anger and drugs. Living under the obligations of Christianity without the relationship with the Father will drive you mad. Until you die and let Father have total control you will continue to be dissatisfied.

2005-06-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

Everything I have learned I have seen in Moulin Rouge.

Well kids, it’s been a while since I have had access to a computer. The past month or so have seemed to be some of the most inspirational that I have ever endured.

I have come to the realization that our lives are fragile and at the same time it is worth dying for. While most of this awareness has been at other’s expense (many friends filled with cancer, high blood pressure, random deaths, the list goes on) I have grown to value life more than ever. Our bodies are fragile to some degree. They create some odor not of this world I can assure you, and my body is aging as this move has exposed.

So what is it that gives me hope? Love. All you need is love. To love and to be loved in return – that is life: To cherish my wife in the way that only I can and to be treasured by my wife in her dearest special ways. To see the faces of my son’s as they plunge to the watery abyss of Splash Mountain and to know that I am their guide to the wonders of this world. To have my daughter grasp my small finger and lead me to a dragon that only I can slay for her.

I have been pulled from a fast paced, high-stress, over stimulated work week and into – nothing. That is right, not a damn thing. No job to go to every day. Nothing. This might seem like a dream come true to most but to be honest, it took some getting used to. I was a genuinely perfectly round asshole for a good two weeks straight. I was friggin’ bored out of my mind. Nowhere to go, no longer important and nothing to fix – and on top of that no cable.

Back to the subject at hand… I have been overwhelmed by love as of late. My family has been waiting for me for almost ten years and yet I was too important to see it. Making money or lack there of, seemed more pressing. I can see through their wanting me that this life, be it fragile, is pure beauty – it is just how you live it that will expose the vibrant colors.

2005-06-03T13:01:00.000-07:00

I started reading mere Christianity by Lewis. It is a bit dry and very analytical but very worth the while. I hope that someday I may gain a similar intellect as my friend Phil Webster by reading these books. Granted I know that I have about the same chance as using my penis as a pogo stick and flying to the moon but I'll give it a whirl.

Something struck me the other day while I was reading Luke 12-21. I, and I can say we, don't live my life like Jesus did - at all. I can't remember the last time I invited a poor, smelly man to dinner at my house. When was the last time I ate with someone I never met and further more would never fit in our social structure? Too dangerous? Too unpleasant? Read it and tell me what you think.

2005-05-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

I crave stimulation. I am seeing Father everywhere in this beautiful landscape but I need to focus more. I feel the desire to read more than ever and it is somewhat overwhelming. Perhaps I am a little board because I have no job as of yet and we are still waiting for the house to close and get our money - exciting yes!
I had the opportunity to observe the old church that we came from. I no longer care to beat them into submission. I do, however, find it sad that for the most part, they and many others see learning about my Father as a mood killer. Everyone enters a room and immediately begin to converse with each other about their lives and struggles until the teacher speaks and the exuberant room falls to silence. They prepare to "learn". God just got boring - sad. To sit at peter piper pizza and discuss openly to Jeremy about what our Father has shown me and to do it with joy - that is living. To hear the laughter from my friends and see the bond that they share fills my heart. I love you guys dearly. Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your life and learning The Way. We will see each other often I am confident of this. What was learned has formed a bond like no other.

2005-05-03T11:07:00.001-07:00

Damned the picture books anyway!!!

While frolicking at Target I happened upon Star Wars Revenge of the Sith movie picture book complete with the summarized plot that gave away a most intriguing tidbit about Mace and Palpintine. Dammit!!!!! Why!! Why!!! Why did my curiosity get the best of me!!! I need to take a pill and have a memory wipe of last night’s events so that I may enjoy the movie to its fullest.

“I tried to walk in to Target but I missed... I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.” - Mitch

2005-04-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

News papers:

Where I am moving from:

http://www.reviewjournal.com/

Where I am moving to:

http://prescottdailycourier.com/

Not to rub it in but I am so looking forward to the chick lings hatching as the top news of the day. If anyone wants to join us on our new adventure, there are tons of houses going up and lots of new apartments to be filled.

2005-04-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

Names

I was listening to talk radio last weekend and the host was doing his monologue about the filibuster in the Senate and other issues in politics. He made a great point that the constitution in which this country was founded on has no parties mentioned in it. No minority, majority etc.; it assumes that we are Americans and that we elect those to represent our will the best. This allows two or more people to stand up and give their ideas and reasons why the people should vote for that person. Unfortunately in the current system a person represents a party and not an individual. Unfortunately the voters now vote for a party alone and forfeit representation of that group of people. We have unionized the union as it were. When you are voting and you check all D’s or all R’s you ultimately are relinquishing your power to the political party.

I’m not thrilled with what is happening in the Senate. We vote for representation and they are to do their job. What they are doing is taking the longest smoke break in history. For you liberals out there, I am speaking about both sides. I am a tad bit agitated about all of it. Social Security, illegal aliens, judicial appointments, energy plans… the list goes on. Things are stagnate at best. We have on one side, the minority, attempting to hold the power of the majority and the majority not having a back bone to listen to the will of the people and take the necessary steps to protect the country by closing the boarders.

Oddly enough, contrary to the previous two paragraphs, I really don’t care anymore. While I see politics as very intriguing and stimulating, it is also another tool that divides us. For some, once you have been deemed preference to one party or the other, you are either engaged in conversation or forced to pointless chit chat about nothing in particular. You also see this in organized church. Tow the line and you are lavished in love. Ask a question about the truth in last Sunday’s sermon or are seen as a liberal and you are greeted with only a smile. Divisiveness has no place in the body of Christ. I am moving to a small town that I fear has very little tolerance for a “liberal” (read as open-minded) “Christian” (read as disciple).

2005-04-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

I’m a radical thanks to Jimmy.

That night I opened the door and met a wild hired bearded man that damn near looked like he was the latest castoff from Survivor. Honestly, I didn’t know what to think. He seemed nice until he picked up a remote on my Xbox and then he kicked my ass on Halo. So much for pleasantries.

His thought process was most intriguing. He introduced me to “Fight Club”, B movies, independent films, Quentin Tarentino, and a host of other movies and what not. He also encouraged me to read some books that I would normally never touch. It wasn’t that the subject matter was odd; it was that I didn’t read books. Period. He was extreme minded. I was not. Not even close. And while he and Jodie debated weather God wanted someone to eat at McDonalds or Burger King for lunch I not only saw extremism but a very pure form of love. When it was all said and done and the shouting was over, I left knowing that, while he proved his point, he cared for me deeply and everyone else in that room and would have gladly died for us. He was the ultimate example of a servant. Often he would drop everything, including a game, and work on my problem with my stupid computer.

While I didn’t agree with everything that he said and that we debated with, there is a bond that we shared. He worked for me at the store and we spent a lot of time discussing the Apex quandaries and House of Teens issues. I think it was a time of transition for both of us. I still don’t consider myself an extremist, but I have learned a great deal from Jim. I have learned to step out of my box of what I am positive to be true and look at it from the outside. I have gained a new fondness for acceptance of those that don’t see eye to eye to my views because maybe my views might not be found out of truth. I learned that while the Bible is a pure form of truth, it can be a blinder to other truths. He pushed me to stretch my creativity by starting something called Blogging.

So here is to you my friend. May our Father lead you on to hills farther up the way. May you and your blessed wife lead a life of endless exploration of this Kingdom of wonder.

2005-04-19T10:39:00.000-07:00

“In a recent radio interview I was sternly asked by the host, who did not consider himself a Christian, to defend Christianity. I told him that I couldn’t do it, and moreover, that I didn’t want to defend the term. He asked me if I was a Christian and I told him yes. ‘Then why don’t you defend Christianity?’ he asked, confused. I told him that I no longer knew what the term meant. Of the hundreds of thousands of people listening to his show that day, some of them have had terrible experiences with Christianity; they may have been yelled at by a teacher in a Christian school, abused by a minister, or browbeaten by a Christian parent. To them, the term Christianity meant something that no Christian I know would defend. By fortifying the term, I am only making them more and more angry. I won’t do it. Stop ten people on the street and ask them what they think of when they hear the word Christianity, and they will give you ten different answers. How can I defend a term that means ten different things to ten different people? I told the radio show host that I would rather talk about Jesus and how I came to believe that Jesus exists and that he likes me. The host looked back at me with tears in his eyes. When we were done, he asked me if we could go get lunch together. He told me how much he didn’t like Christianity but how he had always wanted to believe Jesus was the Son of God.”

– Donald Miller “Blue Like Jazz”

Good stuff. I find myself a bit perplexed with the term Christian when someone asks me what I am. It is almost like a mood killer. I can see it in their eyes that they want little to do with me once the cat is out of the bag. Oddly enough, I can talk forever about Jesus without the term Christian surfacing. I think the term has developed a definition such as:

“We are Grouchy Sunday church goers who must be right wing and tend to buy anything that has ‘as seen on TV’ attached to it. We are known as bigots and that is just fine because we are right. Do not cross us or else we will start to quote scripture at you. We are highly skeptical when it comes to Harry Potter but the Left Behind series is the greatest witness tool out there. Drinking adult beverages is out of the question because either I feel guilty or I may encourage my brothers in Christ to slide. Dancing – um…no but let’s meet at my church so that I may persuade you to join our group.”

2005-04-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

“Going through life and seeing targets on those who don’t believe.”

Or something like that is what Greg mentioned last night. It was a good time for all 20 of us (sarcasm for those bean counters out there) that went to the gathering. That phrase, however, got me thinking a bit. You meet a new neighbor, coworker whatever and instead of attempting to hear what the other person has to offer via conversations, you see them only as one who needs Jesus. While that may be true I remember that during those conversations I was too preoccupied on pointing the discussion towards God and religion. I couldn’t enjoy the other person’s thoughts and see their experiences because dammit, they needed God! Sad I guess.

One of the many things that I have learned here on my spiritual awakening trip to Las Vegas (let it be known that it sure as hell wasn’t a financial one) was that I needed to see people, all people as a gift of sorts. I needed to see them in their light and hear from their past and find value in that. Regardless of political, spiritual and other fronts that we may have, each one of us is valuable to my Father and I needed to so desperately see that. While it may be a good thing, not everyone can think like me and have the same passions that I have.

I think that I enjoy people more than ever now. I let the subject of my Father come up in conversations only when the other person invites it. While this may piss some of you off, it allows me to see the person in his light without my influence. All I am is a farmer who scatters seed; all I’m doing is bettering my aim.

2005-04-15T17:41:00.000-07:00

So what is your fortune?

I’m learning new things from David - my employee. Such as: when reading your fortune after devouring your fortune cookie the phrase “…in bed.” must be applied at the end of every fortune. I have a basket of fortune cookies right next to me while I am writing this. Let me try one….

…cracks open the a random fortune cookie…eats the cookie – first one half – chew - then the other…notices ears are still ringing from all the blessed crunchiness...takes paper and unfolds it.

Oh yes here it is – my fortune: “Resist a temptation to take shortcuts of any kind.”

Takes the whole Chinese dining experience thing to a whole new level now doesn't it.

2005-04-13T11:18:00.000-07:00

I’m reading the book “Blue Like Jazz” on the recommendation of many friends.

His writing style is very entertaining. One chapter is called “Faith – Penguin sex”. Yup, that sums it up for me. He is very open and honest about this dilemma of following an invisible God. He compares it to an inner instinct that tells me that my hunches are right in that there is a creator and he loves me more than life itself. You can not reason with it although I have tried. You can not convince some one of it – yes I tried that too. You can not prove it – you can’t prove love either but it exists. You can seek all you want with you senses and logic but He is seeking you. It is as if it chooses you not you choose it. I trust that this somehow makes sense.

Nonetheless, get the book and soak it up. Some great material in there that a lot you us have struggled with and he has a way of putting it on pages.

2005-04-05T11:36:00.000-07:00

100 statements - thanks cheryl
Family
1. I’ve been married to Tera for almost 10 years
2. We were married on December 15, 1995.
3. I asked her to be my girlfriend on December 15, 1987
4. We took only one “break” to date others for about 16 months.
5. We were virgins before we were married
6. That was the best thing that I have ever given to my wife.
7. I heard a wine commercial with a beautiful song on it and I secretly told myself that I wanted to hear that at my wedding and to my surprise it was played when Tera walked down the aisle.
8. I still can’t remember the name of that song – I think it was Hymn #7.
9. I cried a lot when she walked down the aisle.
10. We lived in a one room apartment for 6 months and then bought a house. Buying a house when I was young was the best financial thing I have ever done.
11. I can’t remember what my life was before Clay was born.
12. Clay was born on December 1, 1998
13. I cried a lot when clay was born.
14. Damon was born on April 6, 2001.
15. I was scared to death wondering how I am going to love him as much as I loved Clay. It happened but I still don’t get it.
16. Ella was born on August 29, 2003
17. I got “fixed” right after Ella was born.
18. I cried a lot the day I got fixed.
19. There were “complications” – we will leave it at that.
20. My Kids are growing up way too fast.

History
21. I have three brothers and one sister.
22. I am the last and middle child – screwed one way blessed the other.
23. My mom and dad were divorced when I was around 3.
24. I got to visit my dad every summer and Christmas and some holidays.
25. I would wait on my couch and look out the window to see if my dad was there yet.
26. Dad was always late. I hated waiting.
27. I lived with my mom and her parents in their house.
28. While mom went to work I was at school or during breaks, my grandma and grandpa took care of me.
29. Grandpa taught me Psalms 1, took me to work (he owned a plumbing company and I used to honk the horn when we went under a bridge), taught me how to shoot a gun and bow and arrow (I shot a 30’06 when I was 6 – daymn!!!).
30. Grandpa used to take naps in the basement and he also made his own ammunition down there (marksmen make there own – they just do).
31. Grandma read books to me because we didn’t have a TV.
32. Grandpa died when I was in the 4th grade.
33. I cried a lot that month.
34. Mom taught me chivalry, facts of life, and damn near everything else.
35. Mom worked her ass off to take care of her three boys.
36. My two older brothers made sure I was looked after and I was to never miss out on the fun that they were having.
37. Mom took me to church every Sunday, weather I wanted to or not.
38. Mom made me go to camp kickin’ and a screamin’. Me no likey until I got there.
39.Mom was a cowgirl (she won AZ state rodeo queen one year – barrel racing) and my oldest brother won best all around cowboy AZ state rodeo – calf roping, steer wrestling and team roping. I have ridden a horse twice.
40. Vic (brother) had a Chevy step-side show truck named blu-by-u. I drove it down the highway when I was 10 (he was there too).

Work
41. My first real job was at a gourmet grocery store – go figure.
42. I was promoted to apprentice chef at the Italian kitchen inside the store.
43. Apprentice chef = cut up food and make pizzas. I can cut mushrooms like its nobodies business.
44. I quit when the head chef got mad at me for missing two bread crumbs. I think his name was Dick – at least that’s what I called him.
45. He got fired right after I quit and I got rehired right after he got fired. Justice prevailed.
46. I worked for my brother’s then father-in-law. I learned how to fabricate and weld.
47. When he sold his business I went with him to start a new business. I was #1 for all you star trek fans.
48. He would scream and yell at me just about every morning and apologize every afternoon.
49. I learned to hate him.
50. I went to work for his best friend building trailers. One of the nicest guys I have ever met. I tried to buy his company but no one would lend $4 mil to a 24 year old.
I moved to Vegas and started to work for my brother but it didn’t work out. I said what the heck, I’m gona to start a grocery store.

Sports
51. I played soccer for three years. I was (still am) fat and so I was the goalie (sp?).
52. I was in charge of the orange slices and juice most often.
53. I was in the chess club when I was in the 6th grade.
54. Chess is a sport.
55. I suck at chess.
56. I started playing tennis when I was around 11.
57. I won a trophy for best sportsman at one of the many tennis camps. My ability to play the damn sport never got me more that an achievement award.
58. I started getting very good at tennis until I turned 16. I played in many tournaments and against older guys. I had a very wicked serve (I played left handed and my serve hit many a person).
59. I got a car when I turned 16.
60. I played football for two years. I loved the game but hated the conditioning and one of the coaches (coach Brocelli – he thought his shit was indeed candy).

School
61. I went to private Christian schools all my life.
62. I wasn’t privileged – just smarter than the commoners.
63. I puked all over the second grade door when my teacher made me finish all of my hot dog lunch.
64. I’ll never think of hot dogs quite the same.
65. Grade school and Jr. High – Light and Life. High school – Phoenix Christian High School.
66. In my freshman year I squatted 365 lbs. It was the schools second most lbs squatted – ever.
67. I sucked at (still do) spelling. During high school’s study hall I would write to Tera in a note book that we shared. It helped me a lot. I think she still has all of them as well as all my love letters and all of the petals from the roses that I gave her. They are in our kitchen if you want to see them.
68. I played tennis with a guy named Stewart. He shot himself a year after we graduated. I still think of him often. His younger brother shot himself a year after that. His dad was a pastor of a Baptist church.
69. My drank friends a lot. I tried really hard but never liked it enough to get drunk.
70. One of my best friends in high school was Brad. I still talk to him damn near every day.

Church
71. I walked to church every Sunday. I thought it made me extra spiritual because I saw our neighbors who were Jewish walk on Saturday with their little hats on.
72. I went to the same church that my Grandpa went to until mom wanted to switch to a southern Baptist church. Pastor Richard Jackson yelled a lot and sweated like I guy that uh……sweats a lot.
73. I sang in the youth choir every Wednesday.
74. The music pastor was very good at teaching vocals to 100 plus kids. We were very good.
75. I spent a lot of summers playing pool and roller skating in our church’s “outreach” building. We were rich believers.
76. You had to be a member in order to rent skates. You had to be baptized in their tank in order to be a member. Praise God because we wouldn’t want any heathens borrowing those skates.
77. My first date was at the indoor basketball courts. We watched Grand Canyon College play against another no name college. By the way, if you were wondering, my first date was with Tera and my mom drove us around in her new Camaro.
78. In High School, one Sunday our Youth pastor asked our whole class to leave if we didn’t want to be there. We didn’t but we thought we were very cool for him to say that.
79. I started to go to Tera’s church in college. That pastor didn’t yell or sweat. He was cool.
80. We no longer go to “church”. We just like to spend time with our friends.

Religion
81. I memorized Psalms 1 when I was about 6. I used to impress my Grandpas friends with my biblical skills.
82. I went to every vacation bible school, retreat, bible camp, bible tour, and choir tour that my church had to offer. My religion was a way of life.
83. I went to Christian grade school and Christian high school. My religion was my learning.
84. I went to church every Sunday, Wednesday, Saturday and Friday for choir rehearsal. My religion was my hobby.
85. I never, in all my years of training and memorizing, knew anything about the Kingdom that Jesus started. I never knew that the Kingdom was all around me but it wasn’t complete.
86. I believed that Jesus was God because the Bible, and only the Bible, said so.
87. I loathed people that raised their hands, cried, or spoke in tongues during the service.
88. My hobby became apologetics instead of love.
89. I practiced debating (in my mind) many Mormons, Catholics, Hindus, Harlicrishnas (sp), and Jehovah’s Witnesses but trembled every time someone wanted to ask me what I believed. I think I was a very nervous guy.
90. Not until I came to Las Vegas did I see what I had become.

Stuff I just remembered
91. I fell out of a tree house when I was very little. I had a severe concussion and my left eye was bleeding. I still get headaches every so often that I blame that damn tree.
92. I love to fish. I hate eating them but I can catch them pretty good. My Grandpa took me fishing often and my dad did too.
93. I am learning a lot about my dad when I fish with him. We went on a three day deep sea fishing trip that I will never forget and this year we are looking at a 5-7 day trip.
94. I swore that I would never leave like my dad did to me. While I will still hold true to that promise I have realized the man my dad has become. I never had much of a relationship with him when I was young but I now am very close to him. I no longer have regrets when it comes to him. In fact I deeply admire him and hope that I learn from the things he tells me.
95. I love to create things out of metal. It is an art form for me – an expression.
96. I know that I get misunderstood by many people. I tend to be somewhat blunt and try to find the funny things in life and too often at other’s expense. I’m not perfect – sue me.
97. I have discovered a deep love in an odd community. It is infectious and beautiful.
98. I have discovered that I am loved and valued by my Father. I knew John 3:16 but I misunderstood that He loves me this much and this close.
99. I deeply love those in my community and often will sit in the back of our gathering and think and pray for every person that I see.
100. I am now exposed.

2005-04-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

Muddled Thoughts...

The pope is dying.
Sad, I guess.
Suffice it to say that I’m not exactly emotionally attached.
I hear reports of so many people weeping in mourning over this mortal man.
They should be weeping over not knowing You.
Why would men want to keep other men from learning about my You?
Answer: Power.
It seems the more I learn about Your love for me the simpler life is.
All of man’s attempts to explain You make You more complex in our minds.
We are gold temples covered with different coats of paint thinking that it looks better.
We call that paint religion.
Yet You still see right through it.
I love You too.

2005-03-27T16:29:00.000-08:00

Last night we watched the Passion. I about popped during some of the torture scenes but I made it through without “spillin’ my cookies”.

I was taken back during the cross scene and I felt the best line in the whole movie was “my God…….my God why have you forsaken me?” Gibson caught this perfectly and convincingly. It truly conveyed the statement that God never left Jesus but this was Jesus first and only time when he couldn’t see Father because he became sin. It was a scream like that of a little child who lost his parents in a very strange and dangerous place and for me that made it very hard to watch. Today I celebrate His life. Today, while I must look back at the pure and perfect pain that He endured, I am free. Free from bondage to death. Free to walk with my Father and never have to be separated from Him screaming out “Daddy…. Daddy, I can’t find you!!”

2005-03-23T12:32:00.000-08:00

I’m not sure if I can explain this very well but I am more at peace than ever before. I feel Father’s presence stronger than before. I think I’m in love with Him to the point that everything is starting to make sense. Weird. I’m not sure what this rambling means but it is here nonetheless. Damn near makes me want to break out in song.

I think the doubts in my mind have been lifted. The fogy lenses of this world’s lies about my Father have been removed. Perhaps it is the Joy in seeing my great friend Jeremy prevail through a terrible bipolar disease and seeing his family rise up stronger than before all the while blessing our community in the way that only he can do. It could be that the guy that brought me to our community has arrived in an icy country, set up camp and is going about Father’s business. What is really strange is that I am more excited for them than I miss them. I am watching Tommy and his wife become the leaders that I always knew that they were. The excitement that Joe is a genuine actor – paid that is. And there is my dear friend Greg who has been the backbone of Apex through it all. His compassion and guidance could only come from our Father, not to mention that he has taught me a few lessons while I was fighting it all the way.

Yes, Fathers fingerprint is here. Praise Him.

2005-03-14T11:12:00.000-08:00

You're hopeless, you religion scholar! Frauds! You're like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it's all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you're saints, but beneath the skin you're total frauds.

I’ve had it with the wusy church politics. I’m done with the way you treat people all in order to keep your paying followers in the pew! You hypocrites! You stand up and point your ugly finger towards someone who openly has a problem and all the while you refuse to look into your own life! How many of your pastors and elders use the internet for something other than information?

You are phony to the core! Jesus came for people broken people – more specifically, people that know that they are broken! Not until you can see how low you are will you ever see Jesus for who He truly is! I don’t give a rat’s rear as to why you guys didn’t see eye to eye; the point is you are BOTH working for the Master. No one should be treated like this.

You guys are a joke! What is your next sermon going to be? “Give your life to the Father AS LONG AS you have no exposed issues”? In order to see the power of the Father you MUST be broken or did you not learn that in your overpriced school? There are many ways to handle this situation – all of them better than this.

You fools! Don’t you realize that you will loose more people by being dishonorable to those that work for you? Those that see through this smoke, and there are many, will leave and seek a church that accepts people for who they are and all of their baggage that comes with them INCLUDING the pastors.

Read Matthew 23 (Message Bible) and get a glimpse of what Jesus was talking about. He wasn’t referring to just the Pharisees of his time but to all religious leaders that are more interested in their leadership and keeping it than seeking the Father’s lead and following it.

“Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God?”

2005-03-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

Moving Sale!!!!

This Friday, Saturday and Sunday Only 6:30 am till I feel like it or noon (whichever comes first)!!!

Save Thousands!!!

No Interest No Payments Until 2006!!!

Trade-ins Welcome!!!

Push, Pull, Tug or Tow!!!

Well you get the idea. 52” TV, recliner, dishes, yard mower, trimmer, shed, damn near everything in the house except the wife and kids (don’t even try to make an offer).

2005-03-08T10:10:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been observing the Messy Christian Blog. I stumbled upon it while I was searching for a book on Google. It is very refreshing to see someone from a different country seek out the Father in her own way. She struggles with things from a different culture that the normal American will never see. I volunteered to be a part of an interview of bloggers from around the world. Here are my answers.

1. What topic is a 'hot button' for you, and would make you go on and on about it with great passion?

I think in general it would be pessimism found in people that walk in the Kingdom. I see it most prominent in organized religion. There are a heap of miserable people that go to church every Sunday. They are doing their best to try to get God to do something for them and that is their only focus. They can’t seem to see that it is not about them and their wants. It is only when they take their eyes off themselves and stare into the eyes of the Father that they will find pure joy.

2. Share some of your thoughts about the church ...

How much time do you have? If you are referring to the organized church, I have seen it all in the American forms. Over here we try as best as we can to run the church much like a business. For us it is and always will be about statistics. How much did we raise this month, how many people walked down the aisle to “just as I am”, “did you see how many cars were in the parking lot?” the list goes on. This is where the organized church will always fail. It will continue to change in order to get the most amount of people to attend. It is inevitable when you think of it logically. A well run business will change according to the customer’s wants. They want more jazzy worship – the worship pastor gets canned and they search for a new one. They want a different message for the pastor to preach – they get it. However, on the same breath, the house church has its faults as well. Beating down the organized church and feeling that they are somehow better is just plain wrong. I could get into all of this even deeper but the fundamental element that makes a church a living church is that they no longer care about anything else but passionately loving our Father and seeking His work. There is only one head of the church. Everyone else surrenders to His reign.

3. What do you love to do on your day off?

Play. Play very hard with my kids. The weekend is reserved for my beautiful wife and my three kids. I learn more about life by interacting with them at their (kids) level than if I read a whole library of philosophy on life. I see the Father more clearly through their eyes and my wife demonstrates His love to me and my kids beautifully. She is my rock. She has a passion for life that brings out the best in me, my kids, my friends and even strangers.

4. What do you love most about Jesus?

Good grief!!! What a question! To be honest, I haven’t really put much thought in determining one or two things about Him that I love most. I think the qualities that I have noticed over the years have changed along with me. As I experience new things in this life I am drawn to Him that much more. His love for Kids, His passion for his people, His anger for religion, His caring touch of the blind man’s eyes – all of these things play out within me at different times. As of late I think the complexity of His relationship with the Father and how that affects me that I have noticed and loved more. I’ve been a Christian for a very long time and I still don’t fully grasp the Trinity. Oddly though, I have come to realize that they (the God head) want us to be a part of them but only if we choose them. The love that is intertwined in God spills out in us and in turn it spills out of us into others. Life is a series of interconnecting relationships. It is our nature to be this way because we were created out of the closest community there ever will be. Jesus did what ever he saw the Father do. Now that is love to me.

5. Your favorite book in the bible is ... and why?

I’d have to say that it is the story of King David and that would cover many books. I see an openness about him that intrigues me. Perhaps it is that I studied his life when I was a boy. Or maybe it is some of the Psalms that he wrote where he is blatantly angry at the Father. Maybe it is just me but you have to be pretty close to Him in order to be that pissed off and write about it. He is a very complex character in the bible that I think gets taken for granted.

The other book that I am enjoying is Galatians and the other books that Paul wrote to the churches. I have taken the religious blinders off and now these books have come alive. If you get a chance check out the Message bible by Eugene Peterson because, for me, it put the text in a clean language that I can relate to.

2005-03-07T20:49:00.001-08:00

As the Ruin Falls by C S Lewis

"All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains."

It is painfully obvious that this guy got it. The parrot got me good.

2005-03-03T12:23:00.000-08:00

Social Sescrewity

As of late, I have been getting into conversations with customers about the current state of retirement system. Oddly most are still pissed of that W won and that there isn’t a damn thing that he will be able to do right in their minds. Sadly I do believe that that is the current mindset of the left. Hell-bent and pissed off, the elected left are starting to sway so far liberal that they will not be recognizable for reelection.

Social security seems to be a hot button with the left. Again, I believe it is the fact that W started the discussion of private accounts for retirement as to why the left are so bent out of shape. They forget that the president before him was noted for saying that we need to fix the social security system as it is doomed for failure. Today all of the talking heads for the left are saying that the system is not in a crisis. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. If you add up all the money that you have paid into the system and then try to find out where that money is, you’ll start to cry. I know that I will never see any of it as well as the majority of my generation. The disturbing thing is that most of my generation doesn’t care enough about it. No, they are concerned with this new and exciting life and its struggles. Making a fuss about something in the government is very low on the list. The only generation that has put voting at the top of the list is the generation that sees the most benefits from the government. The senior citizens will fear any change that will affect them and rightfully so. The left knows this and that is why they will attempt to scare them in any way to get them to vote for their views.

I think it is time that my generation puts away the silly notion of who is wearing who’s dress at the Oscar’s and who won American Idol and start taking issue with our government. It is up to us to fix the failures of our government. It is up to us to stop the stupid spending and even more ludicrous taxing that our government has pressed upon us. I love my country. I love the way it works and I love the fact that it can be changed. So quit your bitching on MTV and get off your butt and do something about it.

2005-03-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

SOLD!!!!

Yup, you guessed it - the house is in escrow and will close on March 31.

No more open house signs blowing over in the wind. No more wind for that matter. Now it is time to start packing and partying till the cows come home. I’m sure the Harshman house will be open once more for one last bash. I don’t see it as goodbye but just a longer breath in between two hellos.

Truth be told, I’m more nervous than ever before. I’m moving my family to a small town where we know no one and starting to build houses on my own that I have never done before (by myself). This could be the greatest disaster or the greatest triumph that I have ever experienced. I’m a very optimistic person so it will be a triumph in some way. However, I am more excited than ever to watch the Father work and to have Him let me observe is the greatest gift of all.

I guess underneath it all, I hope to have you pray for my family. It would mean more to me than any blog written or words said. To have my Apex family holding me up and cheering my family on will be the greatest treasure.

2005-02-21T09:28:00.000-08:00

Jesus only did what he saw the Father doing. That was his life. That was his example.

So often we get caught up in the desires of the world that we search out areas that the Father not a part of and start ministering there.

I will give you my advice on the matter of starting a Sunday night meeting: Only keep your eyes on the Father and listen to Him alone and not the council of the “majority”. Do this through much prayer, meditation and the advice of those that have walked before you. Be open to changes that were not in your plan. If the Father is part of it he will do as He pleases not do as you please. Above all else, walk in love and know that you are of great value to Him. If you understand this fully, the love that is inside you will spill out and will never be contained no matter what you are a part of. It is always about Jesus.

2005-02-15T17:01:00.000-08:00

Mark,
Although I have yet to meet you, I have been inspired by your passion for my King. You and your family are in my prayers. Keep your eyes on Him during this torment. Let his kingdom come indeed.

2005-02-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

“like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock”….

My dad’s description of the rain today.

2005-02-07T10:06:00.000-08:00

Rarely will you ever hear me comment on something good coming out of prime time TV. The shows that I have seen never reflect the American spirit or any values whatsoever. I could give you many examples but the gist is the audience gets thrill over watching someone get put down. In reality, Jerry Springer’s fingerprint is everywhere. Save for one show - Extreme Makeover – Home Edition. Here is a great show – yes I know it is made for TV but the concept is brilliant! I dare say that I see the Father’s community more in this show than in any one building. The show rewards people coming together to lift up one family in a desperate time of need. The corporate dollars are spent on furnishings of all kinds and a lot of people donate their time and possessions. Last night, I saw a small town help out a widowed mother with two kids. Yes, I do realize that it is also TV and the actors belong on a construction site as much as I belong on a runway wearing only a thong but all in all, it is a TV show that promotes good things instead of nudity or negativity. (Sorry for the graphics, had to. By the way, I have lost 12 lbs so far on my dieting voyage. I feel like a middle aged person smackin’ my butt and saying “Damn! Would you look at that!)

2005-01-31T11:34:00.000-08:00

Oh the good life!

The kids came home from the library with their usual 20 selections of books, movies and one book on CD called Charlotte’s Web. We promptly inserted it into our car’s player and listened with delight. Of coarse once I am engaged into a story I must finish it out so no more talk radio for me, it will be strictly pig talk until the completion.

As I listened I started contemplating the simple life that we all aspire for. I started to wonder if this life that we all complain about is our own making. To be busy is a choice and nothing more. If we accept to be busy, we mustn’t complain about it. I think that human nature wants to retain it’s simpleness but strives for hurriedness. You might want to sit back and smoke on that one for a while. It is a trap that we get ourselves into. I think for me that I want to hurry up and attain all the money that is necessary so that I might retire early and then I shall enjoy this simple life that I have heard about. The funny thing is that I have yet to find a retired person that is able to enjoy the “simple” life. For the most part they tend to not know what to do with themselves and find something to keep them busy.

As we prepare to move to a small town, the simple life appears to be within reach. I must admit that I can’t wait to watch the news and see a lack of it. I can’t wait to drive through town and not see an advertisement of a lady wearing little if any clothing and further impres on the minds of my children the world’s value of women. I can’t wait to feel the soft breeze of cool, crisp air compared to the 50 mph gusts that I am so used to. Yet I know in my heart that this life is what I make it to be. I know that if I want to hear the birds in the trees that I must stop, be still and listen. I also know that my kids will not always be kids and to spend some time exploring life and God’s creation with them – well that would be the best retirement of all.

2005-01-26T17:21:00.000-08:00

I think this sums it all up very well. As i read this i started thinking of all of you who have helped me in this journey.

2005-01-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

Freedom!!!!!

That was the underling theme in the President’s speech. It is a beautiful thing. If you believe in a creator it seems reasonable that we were created equal. If that is true then there should be no oppression or oppressors - that should be our enemy. America is the example that most countries look to for liberty. Therefore it is fitting that America continues with the traditions and celebrations of that which made this country great. And for the record it isn’t that extravagant (see this) it is just another talking point for the opposition. The past four years have been tough but in hindsight, three countries have become free – Iraq, Afghanistan, and most recent Palestine. These three countries have been granted individual power to choose their leader. I am a fan of history and these are exciting times because they are very rare. This is a time which your grandchildren will ask you many questions about.

I also value freedom from my government and that is why I am a fan of the president. I have yet to see anything government run that has a positive monetary benefit. The idea that the government should take $1,000 out of my pocket and think that they can invest it better than me is blatantly stupid – I am referring to social security but you could use anything here, taxes, welfare, education etc. I’ll be honest; I see the opposition as oppressive rather than insightful. All I here is that I have no idea what I am doing and that I need them to help me (summery). They require more and more money to fund something that I could do for a tenth of their cost. Take the education system: all I hear is bitching from the top that they are under funded all the while they enjoy massive salaries and perks that most private CEO’s only dream of and the teachers are on the verge of welfare –oh but they do build very lavish buildings and call them schools – my bad.

2005-01-11T13:36:00.000-08:00

Here is the crap that is in my head.

No it isn’t another rant, not at all. We, me and the miss, watched “The People I Know” last night starring Al Pacino. I got a glimpse of a life lived without hope and it was most disturbing. The acting was outstanding as would be with Al and it was directed very well – I would recommend it (NEVER get me on the subject of Napoleon Dynamite – I would rather hit my thumb with a hammer than to watch that movie again – humorous it was not and all of the characters were retarded and acted the same, no plot, no point, and the props seemed to have more personification than the people in the movie – did I tell you that I hated it? – awe crap, I’m on the subject of that flippin’ movie). Now back to the program…

I seem to be content in my walk with my Father. I know the word content should never be mentioned in the same sentence because we are to strive to perfection – but what fun would that be. Always trying to figure out who or what God or church is and never sitting back and looking at its beauty. Been there, done that tired of it. I am beginning to realize that God is too big for us to try to comprehend. If he reveals himself to us we should marvel at it and at the least take notes. However, this life lived is too short for us to struggle for the rest of our lives on attempting to know God deeper than we did yesterday. It is after all Faith and Faith alone. For something that is so easy to see we sure have a hard time seeing it. Take for example Trinity: our nature is to be with others and living with others hand in hand just as the Father, the Son and the Spirit are intertwined. Now I’m not saying that we should forsake to learn the principles set forth by the Son. What I am saying is that these principles at its base require a deep change and from that the principles flow freely. This is the life lived by the Son. His work was not on the laws for they prove our inadequacies. His work was on the soul that when we realize that we will never live up to the laws, we can only look to the Father and be loved. Of all the things that I struggle with there is one thing that I am positive of – my King loves me more that I can comprehend and for me, that is good enough.

2004-12-27T17:22:00.000-08:00

Weee……

http://apexchurch.org/forums

so where are y’all at?

2004-12-22T11:55:00.000-08:00

I can’t seem to wipe the grin off my face about last night.

I know what you are thinking and typically that is true but I am writing about the magic that happened when a few families got together at our house for dinner. I saw the kingdom in all its glory. I saw unexplainable joy that was in everybody’s eyes. The King was all around us. The bliss of his birth was in the air. We broke bread and dipped it in deep red wine and gave thanks for his death in order that we may celebrate His life. We ate a concoction of food that would be the envy of a five star chef created by my beautiful wife. We told stories of our past and friends that we met along the journey. All the while our children were gallivanting in the other room with magical wands and lightsabers never once crying or complaining. We devoured the deserts that were put in front of us while sipping coffee and hot chocolate with spirit and never breaking the conversation. We then sang songs to our Master. Most were Christmas carols praising the Savior with a few old time favorites mixed in. We sang loud and proud in two part harmony if we could. There wasn’t a worry in the room. Cleaning up was never an issue. We all did our part throughout the night. Christmas is here praise the Great King.

The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger."
At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises:

“Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.”

2004-12-17T14:29:00.000-08:00

The triple alpha mystery

Yup, you probably don’t know what the hell I’m talking about and for the most part, I don’t as well. The triple alpha phenomenon is the process by which carbon is formed. Take a look at this article and you might get an idea. From my understanding, the process can happen only in a .0000026 of a second before helium becomes too unstable for formation (see this article for more info).
Why you ask is this important? Carbon it the main ingredient in us and earth and this process explains that there is a “supreme being”. I like to call Him Father, most call him God. This is my scientific apologetic.

This concludes our lesson for today. Class Dismissed.

2004-12-07T11:12:00.000-08:00

So here it is…

My rant. Do with it what you will.

The state of Apex as I see it.
First off, I love you all dearly. Through your generous love I have learned to live a new life in my Father. Your consistent adoration to our Father is overwhelming at times. So much so that at times I can not continue singing but sit back and watch his children show their love for their Father. It truly is a beautiful thing to gaze at.

With my family leaving Vegas soon I am forced to mostly observe the actions of my church. I know that Apex seems to morph into something different every two months or so however, the leadership rolls are drastically changing which puts most of the responsibility in your laps from now on. What are you going to do about this? I am hearing some good things that are coming out of the tyrinest group but will it last? Will those people that desire deep community actually do something about it - and more importantly do it without Greg or Jeremy’s “help”. Help from them usually becomes their headache alone. I heard complaints when Apex started once a month gatherings that you need more than that. Well then why haven’t you done anything about it? Don’t you see that you are all leaders through Christ? Don’t you see the life the Father has given you? How can you sit on your hands and only let the Carders plan events for you to attend? Where are the meetings at the parks that everyone spoke of? Do you need a committee to teach children? For that matter, do you need a committee at all? If the Father whispers an idea or a need why wait? You know that as soon as you start with His biding you will see beauty. What happened to those that need help in the form of dinner every night?

Talking about His love and doing something with it are totally different things indeed. Seeing a need and not doing something about it is most sad and selfish. I know the nature of people very well. When people loose contact with others, they resort to things most comfortable (big, organized church comes to mind). If this attitude continues in Apex, Apex will be no more. Apex was known as the most service oriented community out there. Perhaps that was why so many people from around the nation were interested in us. We saw a need - be it food, work, or just getting together and beating the hell out of each other playing broom ball - it WAS met.

I am talking to you. Get off your butt and make a call and get together. It is so simple but we are lazy. Why do you think that you can’t do anything with out the permission of Greg, Jeremy or any of the other “leaders”? Go on…get!

2004-12-06T11:13:00.000-08:00

Last night Gene, Lisa, and Serenity came over. We ate ribs and corn and spent the rest of the night getting it all out of our teeth. Christmas Vacation was the venue and I laughed my but off from start to finish. I think I burn the most amount of calories when I sit on my butt and laugh. Aside from that, my family and I were deeply loved. It was something not mentioned it was just in the air. It was the essence of family and it was beautiful.

As of late, I have been struggling with the notion that my Father loves me as much as he does. I don’t get it and I also seem to not be reflecting his love as much as I want to. After reading Jeremy’s blog I feel a bit energized and want to chase after the Father. My desire is to have the Father on the tip of my tongue so that in every way I can bask in His love for me. Then and only then will I ever be able to love others completely with disregard of any delusions I might hold. Yes he is that powerful. After all, he is my Father and I am his kid.

2004-11-30T14:04:00.000-08:00

We are in a drought you say?

I’m not one of those that run around screaming that we are all going to die because we are going to run out of water, breathable air, or that we are going to glow because of Yucca Mountain. Quite frankly I’ve got better things to do and I also realize that we little humans can hardly make it rain much less destroy this planet.

If Lake Mead is a man made lake because of Boulder Dam, why is the water level so “low”? The logical theory that I’m falling for is this:

-If someone would want to blow up the dam, our measure of security would be to station police check points at each end but far enough back as to prevent a runaway from blowing through.

-If a terrorist got past the check point but alerted security, I would install automatic barriers to prevent any large truck access.

-If a terrorist succeeded and triggered a bomb, the worst situation would be to have a full lake. The nature of high pressure water would escalate and demolish the dam with just a “small crater”. Therefore I (if I were in charge) would lower the water level in order to prevent such an event and make it possible to make any repairs necessary from such an event.

Now you might ask me for evidence of such a theory. Here it is:

-Lake Powel’s dam has 3 massive water gates that are fully opened flushing water down the Colorado River to Lake Mead.

-Most of Colorado’s lakes (farther up from Lake Powel) are completely full and with the recent snow and rain, they need to drain.

But please keep in mind that we are in a drought.

2004-11-24T11:32:00.000-08:00

Hey Cheryl… this one’s for you:

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me "to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted' for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have show kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand, at the city of New York, the 3d day of October, A.D. 1789.

(signed) G. Washington

Reading things like this makes me proud to be an American.

2004-11-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

I find it amazing how life can go so smoothly until your kids get sick. It is pure torment. I think torture is more appropriate. Both Clay and Damon are sick. Clay has a severe chest cold/influenza much like Damon had last year. The short, fast breaths he is taking is more than I can stand to watch. His body is starving for oxygen and there is nothing his powerful dad can do about it. Last year when Damon was like this, I sat in the restroom at work and sobbed for hours knowing what little I could do but wait it out. On one hand, you want God to remove all the sickness from his limp body and have it transferred into yours if only to save him. On the other, I know that he will survive this and his body will be that much stronger against infections because of this. Nothing I do today will go right because my mind is elsewhere. Nothing.

I also find it amazing how much Damon can comfort me. Although he too is sick, he is not as nearly severe. He only wants to be with me. To only be by my side while I work on my car or watch a movie with him. What we do is most irrelevant. It is that he is with me. He cares for me in a way that makes me feel like I could conquer the world.

And then there is Ella. How can she kiss so much and not be sick is beyond me. Her gentle eyes are mesmerizing. She will do all that she can to bring your spirit back to full health and then giggle and move on to the next patient. She brings you gifts of grandeur that are designated only for you.

My wife – of which I am nothing without – somehow can keep it all together and put up with me as well. I know that while I am going through this agony over my sick child, her maternal instincts are ten fold which won’t allow her to sleep until Clay is at peace. I don’t know how she can do it. I thought I was the one that was supposed to be the one with all the strength but my body has limits - hers knows none and she retains her beauty through it all.

A little sentimental you say? I’m low on sleep and high on worry. Just wait until you have some treasures that walk amongst you. Your life won’t be the same and I will never look back.

2004-11-10T13:29:00.000-08:00

One political blog and I’ll shut up

Yup…Bush won. Let it be. Will he destroy this country? No. If Kerry was elected, would he destroy this country? No. This is reality. Why did Bush win? I think it was because of many things. A few:
1) Everyone knew where Bush stood. Like it or not, they knew what he would do. Kerry continually said “go to my website to see my plan”. This doesn’t work for the normal person. They want up front actual ideas. Something other that a “smarter war” but when pressed, the answer was – we are not completely sure and we will have to review the current situation prior to telling you what will be smarter about the war.
2) “Tax cuts for the rich” doesn’t pack much of a punch when deep down every taxpayer received a tax cut. Rich or poor, they all got one and everyone recognized, including Allen Greenspan (chairman of the Fed), that the economy was tanking prior to and after 9/11 and the tax cuts gave the economy the boost it needed.
3) Most Americans like Bush as a person. He is a very personable guy that most people can relate to. Kerry however never showed who he really was. He always presented himself as a very stiff boring guy – much like Bob Dole.
4) Michael Moor. I have yet to meet someone who can verify all the facts on his “documentary” as truth. Even Moore can’t do it. It is people like this that will ruin the Democrat party. You will never win any election based on hate.
5) Of those that I met who were voting for Kerry, I would ask why. The most overwhelming answer was that they thought Bush was stupid etc. – again hate. In reality, the war was more often than not the most influential factor. However, their anger was misdirected at Bush instead of the circumstances (terrorist threat) that got us to war and the majority saw this clearly.

I will say that the elections gave me the chance to talk to many people that I would have never talked to. Most were intriguing and some were disappointing to see that much hate. I hope that the hate will disperse and the Moores out there will attempt to change the world in a calmer matter. Hope.

2004-11-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

i thought i was an evangelist....

http://www.local6.com/news/3887764/detail.html

man start with small domestic animals and go form there.

2004-11-01T14:41:00.000-08:00

This valuable blogspot is posting a warning:

Do not rent “Day After Tomorrow”

When they made this movie, they put all of the money into the computers and none was spent on the plot, script and the actors. Neato’ special effects, but what’s the point? If you liked Chicken Little, you’ll love this one. By the time I watched this thing, I wanted to go outside, light 4 bonfires, sit in my Suburban leave it idling and smoke a pipe. What a bunch of BS!!!

Granted, George Clooney would have given his right arm to act as these guys did but he was probably too busy on yet another movie that will be doomed for a Saturday afternoon miniseries.

2004-10-26T15:09:00.000-07:00

Christians and peace signs.

Maybe I’m a bit too “radical” (never been called that, but there is always a first time for everything) but the word Christian is about as effective nowadays as someone holding up their two fingers and saying peace. Do they mean it? Do they intentionally mean to say that they wish for world peace? I’d say no. The term Christian used to put fear into the hearts of governments. The term Christian instigated violent persecution to any person who mentioned the name. Why? I don’t see to many people being chased down the streets with baseball bats today. No, in fact, I see no persecution other than when some one gets an email stating that their last political email that was broadcasted was proven false. I’m not trying to be argumentative but the passion for my Father has diminished and is no longer recognizable by his people. More so, any genuine passion that is generated in the hearts of individuals for the Father usually ends up turning into a program or is diminished by other believers as nonsense. I guess for that matter who needs persecutors when other Christians will be more than happy to do it for them.

I guess all in all, I’m not happy with the current state of the church (not structure I mean people). The bickering, the comparing, and the questioning… it all makes me uneasy. Look, I know that I too have had my fair share of mud tossing. It was and still is something that I am going through. I trust that, you the reader understand that I want a God given passion that comes through deep searching. If you are not willing to search yourself and struggle in your faith, you will never find that true passion because it will be all second hand information. I now desire to be occasionally wrong because that is where Father is at work in me.

“We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the moment and let our illusions die.” W. H. Auden

2004-10-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

Something that hit me the other day….

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

That is one of the greatest love songs that I’ve sung to my wife. Perhaps even better – it is one of the greatest love songs that my Father has sung to me. To know that my Father loves me most is a overwhelming thought but to see it in a song – that’s power my friends.

2004-10-18T17:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever shot cola out your nose? I just did when I read that Tommy voted for George Bush. What was it? My constant badgering? Maybe it was all of those bumper stickers? I know…. I prayed that he would vote for Bush. HEE HEE! Cool man.
Stupid... yes – humor me.

I was at the barber shop last Wednesday and I got into a discussion/debate with a “born again” atheist. When I heard this man, who by the way was well into his 60’s, telling his barber that he thought that religion was stupid and foolish I had to join in and some other things about stem cell research. I wasn’t there to beat him over the head with my bible and get him to profess Christ in 20 minutes – the way I would of 5 years ago. I was there to interview him – only. I asked some pretty tough questions about the origins of life and where he received his morals from mostly, I was very curious. He skipped the origins part and took the morals part well. I found in the 20 minutes before he had to go that I had more in common with him that not. He was adamantly against religion and said that it was the most repressive thing out there. I agree. He also said that religion should be out of our government and our schools. I also agreed. He said that he came from an atheist home and that he learned to love through his family – in fact he has been married to his wife for 43 years. He said that all of his morals came from love. I told him that I was a disciple of Jesus and that everything that I have learned comes from love as well. We parted after his hair cut. He came back in and shook my hand and said it was a great discussion. I agreed.

The most interesting thing is that if it wasn’t for the elections that are coming, we probably wouldn’t have ever said a word to each other.

2004-10-11T13:57:00.000-07:00

An ode to our future lawyer Greg-

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of biting their lip to stay calm while these exchanges were taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget?
Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
_________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
_________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he does know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? _________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? _________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
_________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
__________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
__________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
__________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
___________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ___________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
A: Yes.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
____________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ____________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
____________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive, practicing law somewhere.

2004-10-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Ella,

I have been waiting for you with deep anticipation and anxiety. I knew that someday someone would steal my heart but never like this. Your mother has had my heart for a long time, and now you and your brothers also have a piece of it. I didn’t think this was possible but nonetheless it is true. God has given you to me as a gift that I am not worthy of. The very thought of you growing up shakes me to my core. How you can walk into the room and make it dance is beyond me. You captivate everyone’s joy and hold it in the palm of your hand. Your eyes sparkle as you bring me your gifts and give them away freely.

As I held you tight last night and rocked you to sleep I sang the song that was played at our wedding. I know that someday you will leave my house and become the woman God has created you to be but until then, I will cherish these years that you live with me. Until that time, your are mine and I will show you what a man of God should resemble. I will never be perfect but you will get the idea. I will show you how a man should honor, love and respect his bride so that someday you will find a man that will do it better than me.

As you can see, the years ahead will be very busy with me teaching you and your brothers the joy that is found on this world. But for now, I will treasure the thought of you snuggling me and tucking your hands under your body and resting in the peace that God has given. Goodnight my treasure.

Sincerely,

Dad

2004-10-04T16:51:00.002-07:00

Today, for me, is a very exciting day. This marks the event that will eventually put ordinary men into space. It took a team of entrepreneurs to accomplish the goal and that is one of the main reasons why I am so excited. A spacecraft made from fabric, graphite and epoxy going mach 2.3 and 64 miles above earth - American ingenuity at it’s finest. My sons and I watched a documentary on the progress of SpaceShipOne last night on the Discovery channel. Later, we sat around the fire pit and I tried my best to tell them that they might someday fly into space and see the earth’s beauty from miles up. They might someday fly to the moon, see the stars up close or wherever their dreams may take them. To this Damon replied “then we can meet Luke Skywalker!”

2004-10-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

Salesmen…

My hat is off to you. I have tried to be one in many different ways (currently a grocery clerk with an attitude – not one of the most successful jobs out there). I get irritated at some customers who ask stupid questions or misuse the food stamp system, the store, or my employee and I don’t hide my feelings very well. Some call it a curse or a gift – I don’t know.

Here is my BSW (Blog Subject of the Week).

When is it time to tell those that are trying to impress you with how many people they “led to the Lord” (via the sinner’s prayer and a handshake) this week that I don’t agree with that mindset… at all? I grew up going to a Southern Baptist mega church where every sermon was filled with yelling, sweating, and a sinner’s prayer. I see this everywhere - people doing their damndest to convince a person to accept Jesus in the shortest time possible - all the while knowing little if anything about the person they just met.

But how long will that new Jesus feeling last? Surely the gimmick words that got them to make the decision in the first place will wear off in time and all that is left is a mundane life that is filled with porn, cursing, and lying. This isn’t something that I made up; I have heard these symptoms from many Christians that are board stiff with their spiritual life. Did you ever think that the life lived in this mindset will never look like the life lived by our Master? I can’t picture myself ever trying to explain what my Father is like to a stranger in a short 30 minute interview. Come to think of it, I have yet to fully understand this life. My only answer is to spend an absurd amount of time with people, be ready for the whispers from the Father and live an open life closely with anyone who is unfamiliar with the Father.

2004-09-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

So here it is…

3 bedrooms + loft (office space), 2 1/2 bath.
1890 sq ft house on a 9,990 sq ft lot (1/4 acre)
Ceiling fans in master bedroom and family room
Upgraded kitchen countertops
Wood blind window coverings and tinting
Extra large patio cover
Huge backyard fully landscaped including a water fall, garden, jungle gym, and a fire pit
RV parking with dual gates
Large front yard fully landscaped including no maintenance synthetic grass
Air conditioned garage including a workbench and cabinets

Inquiries please email me at andrew@harvestfoodslasvegas.com or call me.

Why: we are planning on moving to Prescott Arizona so that I can start building homes and spend much of my time with my family.

2004-09-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

Can’t resist…….

Must post…….

Am I a Democrat, Republican or "Southern Republican"?
So, how do you tell the difference between Democrats,
Republicans and Southern Republicans?
The answer can
be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife
and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking
man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks
eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife,
and charges.

You are carrying a "Glock 40", and you are an expert
shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and
your family. What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the
question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my
children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my
family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and
make this a happier, healthier street that would
discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days
and try to come to a consensus.

Republican Answer

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Southern Republican Answer

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
click....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!

Southern Republican
in her nicest drawl..
Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??"

2004-09-18T13:39:00.000-07:00

A little something about my treasures.

I have noticed a substantial difference between my daughter’s growing process and my boys. My boys are into lightsabers, swords, Harry Potter, and any costume that will over come evil wherever it may rear its ugly head. They are males in the purest since. Their natural desire is to be warriors, much like their father, who will stop at nothing to slay any dragon that comes anywhere near his girl (Tera). Granted those dragons are usually 1:1000 scale miniature dragons commonly known as bugs – but nonetheless just as potent as a real dragon. They mimic any and all “lethal” forms of martial arts that their imagination can fathom. Often times they utilize these moves on each other until the opponent taps out and tells mom. My sons are the greatest adventures and explorers. I watch them swing on invisible zip cords to the ground below. Their attention to every detail could put Jaque Crousto to shame.

As for my daughter: One glance at me and she can have anything she wants. She is a miniature Tera. She will at times attempt to wrestle her dad along with her brothers but mostly it is an excuse to just lean on me and try her best to give me a slobbering kiss. She longs to go beyond the baby gate to acquire her little toy pots and pans, just to bring them back and show everyone her treasures. When her little feelings get hurt, and they do – often, she will sit back and cry the girliest cry ever observed on the face of this planet. Squeezing her eyes, tilting her head back and crying a river, taking a breath and a glance (to make sure someone is watching) and cry some more. I await her growth fearing my unavoidable broken heart. The greatest thing is she thinks I can rope the moon and asks for no proof.

Still these memories will be engrained in my heart forever.

2004-09-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

I find it outright amazing that so many people rely on the entertainment industry for their views on politics, religion, and the like. If you think about it, actors – for the most part, are not noted for their intellect. True, they can “act” superbly, but that is memorizing some lines and utilizing their imagination to portray the part. Folks – that ain’t brain surgery. The same goes for musicians as well. These are all people who use imagination and artistic qualities, of which are greater than most, to express themselves in a way that is very beautiful. However, that should be as far as it goes.

Let’s take economics for example: If you want to learn about economics, the most reasonable thing to do is to ask one who is an economist. Why do we listen to an actor that makes 10 million a year and who has never had a budget much less has never studied the laws of economics? It is sick thinking.

How can anybody have an opinion on Iraq and its people if one has never lived there or took the time to speak to its people? I hear so many people that are passionate about such topics but are not educated themselves enough to form an honest opinion. No, they rely on what they have heard. An over stimulated opinion of actors and “news”. What about the freedom that so many Iraqis are experiencing? What abut the schools, facilities and other buildings that are being built because of Americans? No they insist on listening to the news never once talking to a serviceman who has been there.

Yup, it is a rant that is inside my head. Go figure.

2004-09-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

Blogfessions of a dangerous mind:

After much thought, I’m going to remove my comment section. If you have something to say that is that enlightening, email me. Mostly I’m taking it off because the whole blog thing is keeping me from true community. The pseudo community that is present now via blogs is a good start, but I desire much more than to be just a click away. I think I’m finding myself sloping more towards laziness.

I also tend to be misread often and if you are concerned, again email me. Be it a phone conversation or over lunch/dinner, I enjoy conversing about my Father or anything else for that matter.

Of one thing I am sure of: I am deeply honored that you would consider my thoughts and read them.

2004-09-11T11:30:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of sorrow for my people.
The horror of hatred has shown itself on our shores.
Lives lost in fall, bodies buried in the dust.
Shock filled our streets, dancing was seen overseas.
Families ripped apart while children sought their fathers.
Mothers no longer held their children.
Marriages shattered by death.

3,000 of my people were killed on that day.
Not Jews, Europeans, Asians and African Americans.
No these were MY people.
My people died for religious hate.
My people are no longer the same.
I will never forget my people.

2004-09-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

Galatians Chapter 4:17
"Those heretical teachers go to great lengths to flatter you, but their motives are rotten. They want to shut you out of the free world of God's grace so that you will always depend on them for approval and direction, making them feel important.

Chapter 5:1-6
Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.
I am emphatic about this. The moment any one of you submits to circumcision or any other rule-keeping system, at that same moment Christ's hard-won gift of freedom is squandered. I repeat my warning: The person who accepts the ways of circumcision trades all the advantages of the free life in Christ for the obligations of the slave life of the law.
I suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love."

I’m not sure if I can make my point any clearer than this. Think about it. What is your first inclination when confronted by a person that wants to know about what you believe? Mine was to invite them to my church service. How odd. I’m not comfortable enough to express the love, the freedom and the passion that Jesus clearly showed to me to another person. Instead, I’ll invite him/her to an organized religion that possibly can put on an exciting show and have the pastor say the right, emotional moving, words that will get them to walk down the aisle to the song “Just as I am”, sobbing at the arousing drama being played on the stage. Yup!! That’s the Jesus I know. Thanks, but I’d rather stick with the “faith expressed in love” than go with anything else.

I attended a Catholic Wedding Mass this weekend. I was filled with rage. The kind that made me want to flip over the tables and beat the shit out of those that took my Father’s Love and made it into a pathetic spectacle. The whole building was full of spiritual slaves whose main focus was to pay attention to what ever the man wearing a white costume would say (he had a chair that was remarkably similar to a throne) and repeat a stupid line that made no sense whatsoever. There was no rejoicing, excitement, wonder or anything else that one might experience when knowing my Father. There were a lot of frowns. Most of those that attended were looking as if they lost their puppy that their mom got them for Christmas. Just because its tradition means that they have missed the light for centuries.

2004-09-03T13:01:00.000-07:00

I’ve got something on my mind that I can’t shake… no matter how I put it. I don’t mean to be redundant in my journaling, I just can’t stop thinking about how real Jesus has become to me and my closest friends since I left organized religion.

I have been reading Wayne’s blog a lot. I think he is getting a similar reaction as I have – defiantly more so. I will state this again: The current massive organized church system is hindering believers more than helping them. I do believe that the organized churches are doing some good; however, it is the inability of the members to struggle with their own faith and seek Jesus alone is what concerns me. They have become lazy. Again, they are not seeking this on their own but relying on the experiences of the pastor to see a blurred vision of Jesus. If I went to a beautiful tropical island and took pictures and told stories, how could you possible see what I saw? True, the pictures might help, but the whole experience, using all of your senses, is what’s missing. I call that blurry.

I think Wayne put it perfectly: “… people can assemble in the same geographical setting without assembling in their hearts and live in the reality of Christ’s church in the world. Thus they sit in a meeting but do not openly give their hearts to others. In that case the meeting is a substitute for them, not an expression of the church. If they go home to chase pornography on the Internet or berate their spouse in anger, what good has it done for them to attend a meeting? They are no more a part of the church’s life for having done it.”

I am not advocating that one never attend a large church. Not at all, I am saying that you need to seek the Father first and tell others of His love. You won’t be able to stay away from those that know Him.

2004-08-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

I’ll ask because I’m free to do so.

The people that God used in the bible were common men and women. Most uneducated, mostly poor, mostly lived a boring life until God jumped in. I wonder if they were seeking Him and finding Him hiding in everything that they did. I wonder if God saw their hearts and knew that this person was ripe for an adventure beyond their wildest dreams. I wonder if God knew that they wouldn’t doubt him because of their uneducated minds in the way of religion. The funny thing is the only schooled teachers in the bible were the Pharisees and Sadducees, who took great pride in this fact and made it clear to everyone that they had the fullest amount of knowledge of God. They were so smart that they were deemed holy men by other men. Dare I say, they were held in such high regard in the community, that they taught every week in huge buildings decorated with the finest materials that money (tithes) could buy. I guess I should say that there might have been others that were educated in religion that God did use, however, they were rare.

So you ask – “what is my question?”

What’s changed?

Jesus came and brought massive change to the church for about a century or so and then we returned to what was comfortable. Most of us no longer seek God but seek the wisdom of man’s interpretation of God.

- Thomas Aquinas once visited Pope Innocent II and the Pope showed Thomas the abundance of funds in the church treasury, the works of art, the extravagant decorations and ornaments in the chapel. "You see, Thomas," said the Pope, "the church can no longer say, ‘Silver and gold have I none.’ " "True," Thomas replied, "but neither can she now say, ‘Rise and walk.’ "

2004-08-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

Been good too long… time to be bad.

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."- Drew Carey

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."- Camille Paglia

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."- Lynn Lavner

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."- Jack Handy

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
- Ernest Hemingway

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
- Ernest Hemingway

"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?"- W.C. Fields

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."- Henny Youngman

"When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"- Brian O'Rourke

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
- Frank Zappa

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."- Dave Barry

2004-08-07T11:47:00.000-07:00

My Passion

This morning I was awakened by my boys desperately trying to be quiet while my wife and I attempted to sleep. Sooner or latter they couldn’t contain their energy. Whack! and the wrestling began and continued for a half hour until I had to excuse myself to go to work. That made my day.

I am so thankful that my kids will have the childhood that I never had. Not that mine was terrible, but it did lack a father figure for most of my youth. My dad lived in another town and I visited him during the summer breaks and holidays and such, but the everyday father, he was not. I don’t hold that against my mom and dad now. I love them both very much and value the relationship that I have with them as a “close friend” for lack of better vocabulary. Honestly, although I am learning what being a father is all about, I found a passion for fatherhood through my past.

I believe that when two people join in marriage and create another person, that person should be respected more than any adult. Just because that child can’t protect itself, doesn’t mean that they should receive all the consequences from the parent’s actions. The kids that we have are much more than a gift. A gift is one which we can use as we see fit. A child is a mirror that mimics the parent’s actions. A child also has no other options but to rely on those who created it. Therefore the parent’s should be required to take on the consequences of their own actions regardless of comfort. Adult comfort is forfeited when children are present.

Why do I say these things? On what authority?
I am a child of a divorce. My family has suffered through more family quarrels and divorces than the Jerry Springer show (so it would seem). I have also been in contact with a number of group homes in my past and have seen first hand the damage that parents do to their children. The stories from that haunt me leave me filled with rage and tears.